The entire campus mourned last year when a beloved member of our community left us. Quad Fox, our local litreal mangy fox, has been treated and removed. As such, we will need a new wild animal to get excited about (but hopefully stay away from). Fortunately, there is one.

Have you heard? Quad Skunk has joined the UR community!

Those of you with any classes in-person may have been crossing Eastman, Wilson, or the Residential and Frat Quads when you saw a small black shape with white stripes and a bushy tail. Don’t worry, it doesn’t have a French accent. We won’t have to cancel it. Probably.

Several community members have come forward about their Quad Skunk interactions.

“I was just trying to hang a hammock on Eastman Quad, and I ended up dangling from my ankle in a tree… Don’t ask me how that happened,” sophomore Charles Barkley said. “I was yelling for help, but I guess people thought I was kidding. Then I heard some rustling. As the rope slowly rotated me around, I came face to face with a skunk! Naturally, I screamed. Big mistake.”

Other people had more positive experiences with the woodland critter.

“I was walking back to campus when I got the feeling something was following me,” senior Kylie Irving said. “I’ve never seen a skunk like that in all my years. Its beady little eyes were so cute!”

“Quad Skunk saved me from a mugger!” one anonymous student said in an email to CT’s illustrations editor.

Even President Manglesdorf had an encounter with the skunk. “The wee beastie really makes campus more exciting,” she said. “You never know when you’ll have to flee the area to avoid the stink!”

Administration has decided to adopt Quad Skunk as an official unofficial mascot. It will be running for SA president, just as Quad Fox did, and will have a variety of merchandise. Quad Skunk T-shirts and hats will be sold at the bookstore for the low, low price of $100. Alternatively, you can trade one human arm and one human leg for a plush Quad Skunk if you go to the hospital’s cyborg research building.

The University’s official statement on the matter includes the following passage: “In these trying times it is important that we stand together. Not too close together, though; we meant that in the metaphorical sense. And what better to stand for than a small animal? We can’t think of any cause or purpose that could better unite the student body, or galvanize student participation in the Rochester community. Please don’t actually participate in the community; the people there might have COVID. But metaphorically, we believe that Quad Skunk will do great things for UR, and for the city as a whole.”

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