Aries (March 21-April 19) – For your economics project, you decide to compare the costs of having a girlfriend or just hiring a maid.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) – A picture is worth a thousand words. If it’s a portrait of you, however, none of them will be complimentary.

Gemini (May 21-June 21) – A girl in the bed is worth two on the dance floor.

Cancer (June 22-July 22) – When you wake up the morning after a Halloween party, you’ll be dismayed to see the girl you’re with was not actually wearing a Wolfman costume.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – Although you know it to be unhealthy, you can’t help but be intrigued by the girl who swallows her gum when finished.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – If your date shows up wearing an eye patch, don’t be surprised if she’s hesitant to do it with the lights off.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) – When walking around campus, remember that there’s no such thing as the great pumpkin. It’s probably just a co-ed in an orange sweater.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – Due to its inhibitory effects, whiskey is commonly used as a male birth control pill.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) – When considering going out this weekend, just think of touring the Frat Quad as trick-or-treating for adults!

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – When role playing as a gas attendant, you will be disheartened when your girlfriend pulls up to the self-service lane.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – Until your recent Internet discovery, you thought your father meant he was in construction when he said he laid pipe for a living.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – Remember, if you’re under 21, dress as the kid on your fake ID for Halloween!

(If you actually believe this, then you believe that subtitles count as light reading!)



UR Softball continues dominance with sweeps of Alfred University and Ithaca College

The Yellowjackets swept Alfred University on the road Thursday, winning both games by a score of 5–4.

Furries on UR campus?

A few months ago, as I did my daily walk to class through the tunnels to escape the February cold,…

Dinner for Peace was an unconventional way of protesting for Palestine

The dinner showcased aspects of Palestinian culture. It was a unique way of protesting against the genocide, against the Israeli occupation, against the university’s involvement with the genocide.