In the wake of major changes, the Students’ Assembly Sandwich needs to be a sandwich that will continue to make progress. With dining options changing every year, the student body needs a sandwich that will continually be healthy and satisfying.
In this election, the Meximax sandwich’s experience and realistic views of what food can actually be on campus set it apart from the other candidates. No, the Meximax is not the best sandwich in the world, but it makes no claim to being so. It is a simple and down to Earth sandwich that realizes its strengths as well as its weaknesses.
The Meximax has served as a Blimpie sandwich at the Pit for multiple terms, stepping forward on numerous occasions to quell ravenous student hunger.
The Meximax has shown its dedication to UR through its long-standing support of hearty living. It is hands down the most capable of all sandwiches manufactured in any of the four major UR dining facilities.
The patty-esque essence of the Meximax may seem a bit frightening at first. It is a mysterious substance with which to fill a sandwich. Its shade of brown is not usually the color of food before it is ingested. But don’t get turned off. Although it looks like a partially digested, stepped-on shit, the Meximax is, in fact, not made of feces.
More importantly, the Meximax values diversity in its many forms. Diversity is embodied in the elusive esence of the Meximax sandwich.
It is some sort of bean, olive, pepper, soy and miscellaneous other vegetable conglomeration, but it carries no shame from not exactly knowing its parents. Rather the Meximax is confident and self-assured.
Unlike other candidates, the Meximax is outstandingly true to itself. The Meximax doesn’t mind that its not made of meat.
In fact, the Meximax celebrates its sexuality by being enjoyed by vegetarians and non-vegetarians alike.
At its highest, the Meximax is trapped between two pieces of whole wheat bread, mingling with lettuce and banana peppers, bathed in the dressing of your choice.
But the Meximax is not merely one sandwich.
Rather, it is able to deliver in many different ways to suit the varied tastes of the student body.
Toasted or not, it is a stalwart sandwich capable of delivering on every campaign promise it has made.
The Meximax clearly tastes better than the rest of the candidates.
It’s got more flavor and more street cred. And flavor will be the deciding factor.
While the taste of the other candidates is surely reflective of their unhealthy eating habits, the Meximax simply is a healthy eating habit.
With its numerous qualifications, the Meximax is surely the most well-respected candidate for SA Sandwich.
The Meximax’s mature sense of the capabilities of student dining plans, coupled with its straightforward manner of speaking, gives the Meximax sandwich a distinct advantage in advocating for the varied needs and wants of the entire student body.
Rudolph can be reached at drudolph@campustimes.org.
