My preferred pet name for mine is “cooter.” In the past, I’ve been known to use “snatch,” “regina” or “no-no spot.” I’m currently starting a campaign to popularize “cranny.” To each her own, really, when it comes to vaginas.
Between drinking and not going to class, as is the life of a second semester college senior, I’ve been rehearsing for the upcoming performance of “The Vagina Monologues,” presented by Women’s Caucus. For those unfamiliar with or afraid of the premise of the show, allow me to break it down for you.
The play is based on a series of interviews with women by author Eve Ensler. Ensler interviewed them about their womanhood, their sexuality and, of course, their cooters. The result is a group of monologues in which different characters discuss everything from pubic hair to birth to rape to orgasms. They range from disturbingly somber to raucously hilarious.
The play is presented annually on a day deemed “V-Day,” which, according to the Web site, began as a nonprofit grassroots movement dedicated to ending violence against women around the world. Thus, all the profits for the show this year are going to benefit the Sojourner House, a shelter for women in abusive relationships.
“‘The Vagina Monologues’ definitely leaves you with a sense of inspiration and empowerment that ending violence against women is not only an attainable goal if we all work together, but also a very necessary one,” sophmore, director of “The Vagina Monologues” and Women’s Caucus Business Manager Lucia Spinelli said.
As someone who prides herself in shunning most things girly, I’ve found the process of putting together the show surprisingly fulfilling. For some reason, talking about trips to the gynecologist with a room full of chicks makes you feel strangely comfortable. Not since chanting “girls rule, boys drool” on the playground in third grade have I felt such a sense of female empowerment. I would have loved to see the look on Susan B. Anthony’s face if someone told her that in 100 years, not only would it be cool for women to expose their ankles outside of the bedroom, but there would be a play written that featured women talking about their crannies.
To the men that have made it this far in the article, perhaps in hopes that they might get some tips on navigating their lady’s nether regions, please don’t be afraid by all this talk of womanhood. Although buying a ticket to see “The Vagina Monologues” might feel like the least masculine thing you’ve done since watching “Serendipity” alone on a Friday night, you might actually end up learning something.
“I think that males need to learn about vaginas more than women do,” Spinelli said. “I was joking around with some people that we should make t-shirts that say “‘Vaginas – You Think You Know But You Have No Idea.'”
The actual t-shirts ended up saying “Vaginas are for Lovers.”
While that can be interpreted as a feminist power slogan, I chose to take the easy route and interpret it sexually. You can, too.
After all, one of “The Vagina Monologues” taglines is “Spread the word,” which has very few non-sexual interpretations. So, do me a favor and tell your friends about “cranny.”
“The Vagina Monologues” will be performed on Friday, Feb. 11 at 8 p.m. in Strong Auditorium and costs $5 for all potential audiences.
Mittelman can be reached at email@example.com.