Aries (March 21?April 19) ? Recently your life has been so stressful its got you tearing out your hair in frustration. Take a deep breath, then lie down for a 15-minute nap. The world will not end while you are asleep, and it will make you better prepared to handle all of your other tasks.
Taurus (April 20?May 20) ? Now is a good time to listen to your elders, their wisdom may prove useful. That doesn’t mean you have to do what the creepy guy who stands on the corner shouting about Jesus says, it just means that experience is of value.
Gemini (May 21?June 21) ? Have the housing gods cursed you with a bad lottery number? Rather than drowning your misery in cheap alcohol, keep your hopes up and attend those lotteries. You never know, you could get lucky and end up with a nice spot to live next year.
Cancer (June 22?July 22) ? Last week the stars told you to indulge yourself, but the past is the past. Make sure you’re keeping up with your work, or it will bury you come finals time.
Leo (July 23?Aug. 22) ? Your worldview is so narrow, sometimes its like you’re wearing blinders. Get out and experience something new this weekend, you might actually like it.
Virgo (Aug. 23?Sept. 22) ? It may be tempting to purchase a whole new wardrobe now that spring is finally approaching, but keep an eye on that bank balance. You don’t want to overdo it.
Libra (Sept. 23?Oct . 22) ? Studying may suck, but so does working at McDonald’s for the rest of your life. Suck it up and study, D-Day is just around the corner.
Scorpio (Oct. 23?Nov. 21) ? Woo-hoo! This week is your time to shine. So live it up, and don’t be too mean to those who don’t share your good luck.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22?Dec 21) ? You’ve finally found someone who is perfect for you, and this is the week to let them know. If only everyone could be as lucky as you are.
Capricorn (Dec. 22?Jan. 19) ? This is a good week to do laundry. Hey, somebody had to tell you you’re getting a little rank.
Aquarius (Jan. 20?Feb. 18) ? A stitch in time saves nine. If you understand that saying, then you’re a step ahead of me. Congrats.
Pisces (Feb. 19?March 20) ? You’ve been through a lot lately, but the stars tell me your future’s looking bright. Be patient, good things will happen.
(If you actually believe this, you’ve been spending too much time watching the sci-fi channel. This is not to be taken seriously.)