Aries (March 21?April 19) ? Since we are currently in your star sign, my sources point to ? hell, let’s say a good week for you. That’s right, a nice, good week.
Taurus (April 20?May 20) ? The stars predict changes for you in the near future. The stars are usually accurate with respect to Taurus, so you’re just lucky that way.
Gemini (May 21?June 21) ? Hmmm, Gemini, let’s just say that you should keep your eyes on the prize and don’t be distracted by instant pleasure. Especially you-know-what. Try setting baby-step goals. Then you don’t fail as much each time.
Cancer (June 22?July 22) ? Laugh at Gemini. Want to know why? The stars tell you to indulge yourself fully. That’s right, you get a hedonistic joy ride this week.
Leo (July 23?Aug. 22) ? Don’t stress about tests this week. That’s not a guarantee that you’ll do well, just a note of advice on how to reduce stress in your life.
Virgo (Aug. 23?Sept. 22) ? Wild Card! Virgos, you get to read through the rest of the horoscopes and choose whichever one you want. You can also get a cookie.
Libra (Sept. 23?Oct . 22) ? The stars started giving me the silent treatment about now, so instead of checking with them, I asked a magic eight-ball. “Sources say yes.”
Scorpio (Oct. 23?Nov. 21) ? Call me Ishmael. Or not. It doesn’t change your horoscope this week, which is a prediction of ? fun. Sound good? It should. You will have fun this week. Lots of it. But you’ll lose your lucky penny and be a bit sad.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22?Dec 21) ? He who hesitates is lost. Haste makes waste. Flip a coin and decide which one you think applies this week.
Capricorn (Dec. 22?Jan. 19) ? You are on top of the world. Take a moment to realize that so is everyone else, provided you have the proper frame of reference. If you switch yours fast enough, it kind of feels like you’re flying up and down really fast. Not advice so much as an observation.
Aquarius (Jan. 20?Feb. 18) ? So, if Pisces is a fish, and you’re an Aquarius, I think that means that you have a slight edge up. I’d give you three to two odds, but don’t get cocky. There’s more than one way to skin opportunity, but cats only knock once. And they usually mean business.
Pisces (Feb. 19?March 20) ? Most people don’t realize that if you are reading this, you are taking advice from space fish. Keep that in mind.
(If you actually believe this, you’ve had too much of the famous Rochester heat. This is not to be taken seriously.)