I had thought that my dorm room would be an escape, but I was wrong ? they discovered where I lived and followed me there.I lay huddling in my bed, preparing to flee, but then remembered that I sleep on the top bunk. (An actual escape would take a while.)

The weird shrieks came again, tinny C-sharps ? unpredictable, like death.When will the Eastman Student Living Center Security realize that there are strangers among us? That the sleep that we try for on a Saturday morning is shattered by these demons?

Of course, I?m talking about the elevator ghosts of the S.L.C. ? those pests that slip into the elevators? electrical system and cause the C-sharps.Oddly enough, these shrieks don?t happen all the time ? the ghosts only become active at night and on the weekends, usually after fraternity parties.

What is even more confusing is that some of the trickier ghosts occasionally float out of the elevators and detain students in their rooms, making them shout such nonsensical phrases as, ?Hold the elevator, I just need to grab my [insert noun],? ?Hold the elevator, I just need to make a quick phone call? and even ?Hold the elevator, I only have 300 more words to type!?

UR?s psychiatry department is currently conducting a dorm-wide study of another phenomenon centered around these poltergeists.It seems that the ghosts induce the ?refusal to talk? affliction in almost all of the elevator riders.You know what I mean ? you step onto the elevator and you leap back to nap-time in kindergarten, where talking could cost you your life.To beat this disease, you meekly smile at the other riders and immediately lower your head.

Another trick is the ?pretend you have something to look at in your bag? move.This strategy is more complicated because you need props. Don?t worry, though ? everyone is influenced by the elevator ghosts. So go ahead and keep yelling at your fellow students to hold the elevator.

They?ll listen ? they have no choice.

Swanson is a freshman viola performance and Spanish double degree student

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