The annual night of family fun is rapidly approaching (or, more aptly put, the Devil’s birthday), and one brave group of citizens is using the costume-wearing tradition to take a stance on current events within the country. Decked from head to toe in sheepskin vests, fluffy boots, and perfected with sheep-adorned masks, you’ll never guess what twist this group of FOX News viewers pulled on, according to them, the “ridiculous CDC regulations.” 

Residents of one perfectly reasonable cul-de-sac said, “We’ve decided to make it known that this whole deal of ‘public safety’ and ‘international crisis’ is just as silly as our precious children dressing up.” That’s right. This group of parents has decided to traipse through the neighborhood dressed as “sheeple.” The costumes consisted mostly of actually wearing masks.

Although they have been referred to by some as the black sheep of this year’s Halloween, a petition has arisen from the midst of this group to change the phrase to “white sheep” due to outcry that white people are “actually way more oppressed; like, one time someone called me a cracker and I don’t think anyone has ever experienced that kind of oppression.”

To avoid accidentally celebrating the day of Satan Himself, the parents posted the event in their Facebook group so everyone from their second-grade classmates to their former bosses would know what they’re up to. 

Despite the “dozens” of replies and likes this event had, very few people were out and about on this night. One parent (Karen, 37, renowned for repeatedly calling the cops because of Black people having the audacity to exist in a public area) said, “Very few people recognized us. Come to think of it, there were very few people even out in the neighborhood.” 

Another parent (Brad, 32, currently waiting for multiple cases of assault against him to be dropped, which his trust fund bank account has nothing to do with) had much more sinister suspicions: “There was no doubt a neighborhood-wide cookout planned which we obviously weren’t invited to.” 

When questioned about the fact that there were lights on in many houses with people visible inside, he offered insight of such depth that our Campus Times reporter had to take a break to compose herself: “Lizard people. Duh.” 

After a wild night such as this, the parents returned home, satisfied with the awareness they spread (along with a certain virus which asked to remain anonymous). Sources say that they plan to reside in their houses to recuperate for more long days of harassing retail workers doing their best. 

It’s very important, however, to not confuse these souls with the rest of the fools who participate in sheeple culture every day by remaining home, thereby allowing the government to change the batteries in the birds and construct more 5-G towers.



Disobey the no-guest policy as an act of civil disobedience

I encourage the rest of campus to follow suit in my noble endeavor to stop the unjust laws governing our campus and really stick it to the man with me.

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From the Humor Section: Its flimsy build also makes it easy to fold to get to those hard-to-reach areas, making it great for watering plants and performing your routine enema.

This is a Rush Rhees Library appreciation post

I am no architecture student, but the blend of Doric columns — borrowed from classical Greece — with the red brick of the mid-20th century makes it feel like a modern temple.