A UR student has come forward to express his confusion upon discovering that snow is, in fact, frozen water that falls from the sky and not just slang for powder cocaine. 

The discovery came when snow began to fall from the sky and the student, acting on pure animal instinct, snorted it, receiving a brain freeze rather than a head rush. 

“It was both exciting and disappointing,” he said. “My nose got really cold, but it just does that on its own sometimes…”

The student also unsuccessfully attempted to sell a baggie of snow to a group of unsuspecting first-years. 

“The guy was waving a bag of snow at me,” said first-year Crosby Kingston. “Now, I went to Choate. I’m sure you’ve heard of it — it’s only one of the best boarding schools in New England. And my dad is the CEO of Goins Insurance Agency so, yeah… he’s pretty important. So, of course I know what cocaine looks like. And smells like. What was the question?”

The would-be snow dealer, whose request for anonymity the Campus Times granted, hails from New Orleans, which may explain his confusion. 

“We don’t really get much of that kind of snow. It’s been like 15 years and at least two dozen floods since the last time,” said the student. “But there’s always plenty of the other kind. You know. Coke. Blow. Powder. The Big C. Chalk. Booger Sugar. Vitamin C. Devil’s Dandruff. Weasel Dust. Snow.”

Beyond his hometown, other demographic factors may have influenced his familiarity with the drug. He is a first-year business major who plays on the soccer team, and his favorite song is “Cocaine” by Eric Clapton. His cocaine use could also be identified by his white mustache, persistent nose-scratching, and perpetual nose bleeds.

While he was initially disappointed with the snow more common to Rochester, he also learned to enjoy it. 

“People get a lot less mad when you throw snowballs at them than when you throw beer cans at them,” he said, smiling broadly. “And it’s not like I can’t get party powder here either.” 

Tagged: drugs


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