1. Every now and then, I stop and become concerned that my brain is missing, but then I realize that it’s all in my head.

2. Right before his nap, my golden retriever ate my favorite pair of argyle socks but  won’t admit it. Then again, it’s probably best to let a sleeping dog lie.

3. A picture paints a thousand words, so all you need to reach that 1,000 word requirement for your big paper is one picture.

4. My friend Mike told me that he found the greatest french fry on the planet. It would be best to take that with a grain of salt.

5. I went out into the ocean with some friends, but our ship capsized, and we were left stranded swimming in the middle of ocean. And yet, we found ourselves all in the same boat.

6. I had to do laundry so badly it was as if the washer was screaming my name. So I put a sock in it.

7. My pal is a walking dictionary, but he wouldn’t let this define him.

8. You drive me crazy, but you will always be my sunshine, which is why I can’t look at you for more than three seconds.

9. Never play a game of “She loves me, she loves me not” with a four-leaf clover.

10. Cannibals are what they eat.

11. I went to bed freezing, wishing that it would become warmer. So when I learned that Rochester was covered in a blanket, I was happy, until I realized it was of snow.

12. If oil could marry their kind it wouldn’t last because there couldn’t be a spark in the relationship.

13. Show some more compassion for horses. We always seem to be getting on their back.

14. Take small steps to achieve your goals, unless you are a long-jumper.

15. Pride cometh before the fall. Fall cometh before the winter. Pride cometh before the winter.

16. Bringing attention to a dangerous bee is as easy as “A bee, see?”

Horgan is a member of
the class of 2017.



Dean Burns speaks on coming discrimination, harassment code of conduct changes

For the last two years, a team of students and administrators have been meeting to change the student code of conduct around issues of discrimination and harassment. On Monday, Dean of Students Matthew Burns announced they are close to a final draft of the new policy.

Dean Burns stepping down after 15 years as Dean of Students

After 15 years spent working as “your Dean of Students,” Dean Matthew Burns will be stepping down from his position in June. 

Censored: CT pushed from Public Safety coverage

Any process relating to the DPS — the University’s private, hardly-accountable policing system — needs to be brought into the public awareness.