In response to people making fun of my greeting every week, we will from now on just get on with it. It will be a totally Spartan experience. This week in Life, Love… Sport (Grim Gobbler Edition), we shall discuss a myriad of topics, ranging from one end of the sports spectrum to the other. Maybe I’ll mix in some personal news, who knows? You know who knows? I know. But you’re just going to have to keep on reading to find out. Why am I such an angry individual today? You’re gonna get to find that out as well. Let’s go, I don’t have all day (just kidding, I have a lot of time to waste).

In the world of organized crime (I mean football) there’s nothing worse than finding out that your key witness (your quarterback) has jumped ship (getting shipped off to jail after getting caught killing dogs). Many teams in the NFL seem to have this problem this year, and it is a disturbing trend. Perhaps the answer to the mediocrity of the game this year stems from the fact that there are people who are unqualified leading a team and are taking over the reins due to unfortunate circumstances.

Or, if you’re one of the crazy conspiracy theorists like Greg Esterbrook, perhaps it is the NFL itself that is injuring the QBs in an effort to let the Patriots win the Super Bowl.

Here’s my problem. Many of the backups in the league played in major Division I schools in college. Many of these run pro-style offenses – that is, their offensive systems are similar, if not the same, as the offenses that they run in the NFL. So why is it that a lot of the QBs in particular cannot perform? They have been in front of big crowds before; the University of Michigan can seat 107,000 people, and the University of Tennessee can seat 104,000. Some say that it is because of the speed of the game.

And, yet again, I counter with the fact that the defenders also went to the same schools – they were perhaps even teammates. So what is it that makes QBs not prepared to play? I’m sick and tired of watching men (whose job it is to throw a ball day in and day out) suck on Sunday. If I’m paying money to watch these bums play, the least they could give me is an exciting game. It’s getting absurd. The league is charging fans top dollar to watch the scout team take the field.

As for baseball, it’s that time of year again, when mediocre talent gets paid and paid well. Imagine, if you will, that you just hit .189 for your team this past season. Some team comes along and decides to give you a 4-year $36 million deal. Of course you’re gonna take it! Who’s gonna pass up free money? I’m sure there will be someone this year who is going to cash in after a frightful season.

Moving right along, the Celtics are still unbeaten. It does feel good to be a fan. I can come out of the witness protection program for the first time since 2003.

Many Pittsburgh Pirate fans can relate to what was happening with the Celtics last year. Eighteen straight losses – it was frankly an embarrassment to even be associated with the town during the winter. Then they started opening their wallets, threw some money around, shipped some white guys out of Boston and BAM! you’ve got yourself a championship-caliber team. Imagine how much happier Paul Pierce would have been if this happened four years ago. But one can’t complain; it’s been a year of giving for Boston fans.

Speaking of which, being from Boston, y’all probably know that it’s been a damn fine year. However, this has gotten me a bit worried. Karma can definitely be a bitch, and I wouldn’t want payback to happen anytime soon. Perhaps it’s a direct result of decades of futility by the Red Sox or the 1986 Super Bowl humiliation of the Patriots or the number of Celtics who died suddenly (Lenny Bias and your crack pipe, we’re talking about you).

I mean, what if we accumulated so much bad karma during that time that all the good things in the world are just flooding in? Do we need to order a really big boat? Only time will tell.

On the college football front, the USF Fightin’ Bulls can hope to finish their season strong with two games remaining. Meanwhile, the steward of last year’s Bandwagon team, Chase Daniel, has been mentioned in the Heisman Trophy race. Maybe next year, Matt Grothe will be mentioned.

Final Fact:

The first instant replay was used during the Army-Navy football game at Municipal Stadium in Philadelphia on December 7, 1963, invented by Tony Verna. (How hard is it to “invent” instant replay? For real.)

Maystrovsky’s article appears weekly. Maystrovsky is a member of the class of 2009.

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