Aries (March 21-April 19) – Remember girls, it’s better to drink too much vodka and get the spins than drink too much beer and get rolls.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) – You will be pleasantly surprised when the cute equestrian you meet loves to ride bareback!

Gemini (May 21-June 21) – Since you’re the twin born first, God must have spent a little less time on you.

Cancer (June 22-July 22) – At Thanksgiving dinner, your parents won’t want to hear how thankful you are that an Asian student sat in front of you at your accounting exam.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – Although it’s human nature to want what you can’t have, most men are happy to remain ignorant about childbirth.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – If you truly love someone, let them go. That way, you can get some last minute tail before they come back and you commit!

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) – You’ll join your classmates in a sigh of disgust when one student asks about the maximum length of the term paper.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – Students at UR are like deer during hunting season; very stressed and constantly in danger of being shot.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) – Sing as if no one is listening, dance like no one is watching and love like your roommate isn’t in the room.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – The eyes truly are the windows to the soul, which is probably why so many girls have to wear big sunglasses around campus.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – You can tell a couple enjoys public sex when the girl is wearing a tiny skirt and the guy is wearing tear-away pants.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – As a lesbian, it is tough to deal with an anorexic partner who won’t eat.

(If you actually believe this, then you believe your mother’s pie is homemade.)

Trend Watch: the return of indie sleaze

Indie sleaze is the antithesis of perfection, and in the hyper-filtered world we live in today, it makes sense why this anti-beauty aesthetic is back. 

SA solicits input on race-related trainings for faculty

SA released a survey seeking student input on potentially-mandatory race-related training curricula for faculty.

Orange Line service increases amid student dissatisfaction

The start of the semester saw the Orange Line overwhelmed, as five morning buses couldn't match the demands of students heading to campus.