In a stunning victory, Who Cares? Guy was elected Students? Association president early this morning after a shocking 100 percent of the student body turned out this week during presidential elections.

Who Cares? Guy collected 1,002 votes. Junior and current SA President Meng Wang finished second with 930 votes, junior Samay Gheewala took third with 753 votes, junior and Hill Court senator John LaBoda came in fourth with 568 votes and senior Mindy Fountain trailed with a weak 257.

More than 200 votes were cast for various other write-in-candidates, including Abolish the Senate, Pat Buchanan and Al Gore.

A shocked Joe Cacciola, junior and chair of the SA election committee, was seen shaking his head and mumbling, ?What will we do now??

Currently, no provision exists in the SA constitution on how to handle a cartoon being elected president. A case was filed by Take Five Scholar and campus wanna-be despot Rob Wittmann because of a perceived violation of the document.

Wittmann said he felt that a cartoon wouldn?t be responsive enough to the student body and thus the election of Who Cares? Guy would violate Article 30, Section 1,000 of the constitution.

Cartoon creator and graduate student Bryon Au-Yeung refuses to speak for his drawing Who Cares? Guy. He will let the comic speak for himself.

?It isn?t a problem really,? Au-Yeung said. ?I can spit out a good comic every five minutes or so.?

After reviewing the constitution, the All-Campus Judicial Council ruled the election valid at 2:35 a.m. EST Thursday morning.

A sleepy Dean of The College William Green, perturbed at being woken up at 2 a.m., said that regardless of voter turnout, he plans to disregard Who Cares? Guy like any other SA president.

?We?ll let them play their little government games as long as it doesn?t infringe upon my plan to dominate the university.?

Who Cares? Guy said he has no ill feelings after being kidnapped last year by Vice President and University of Dean of Students Paul Burgett and hopes the two can start on a new foot.

Junior and incumbent Meng Wang reinvented his beleaguered campaign last Thursday when he changed his focal issue of his re-election to ?Abolish the CT.?

?If only I?d had one more day to fight,? Wang said, ?I could have turned blue in the face. That would have definitely done it.?

It was the first contested SA election ever won by a write-in candidate ? let alone a cartoon.

The comic, started by Au-Yeung, ran an impromptu campaign for president last year with limited results. Who Cares? Guy received 26 votes and finished in ninth place. Au-Yeung didn?t let the poor showing deter him from his dream. ?I know the campus just wasn?t ready for a two-dimensional president last year. I only wanted to get his name out there and get a piece of the election pie,? he said. ?This year, I had bigger dreams.?

The other candidates were at a loss for words.

?I just didn?t expect this,? senior Mindy Fountain said. ?Really, getting beat by a cartoon? This is ludicrous. How is he going to start a representative cabinet??

Junior John LaBoda expressed the same sentiment, shocked that his fraternity base vote didn?t bring home the election for him. He was seen earlier in the week at the Sigma Alpha Mu house tearing up the March 22 issue of the Campus Times so brothers couldn?t read the comics section.

Junior Samay Gheewala was ecstatic about the outcome.

?I just wanted an outsider with a different viewpoint to win the election,? he said. ?I party with Who Cares Guy. He?s a cool guy. I?ve never seen anyone hold his liquor like Who Cares?? Guy.?

The Who Cares? Guy candidacy took off last week when he introduced his ?Who Cares? policy toward everything at UR. His ?Who Cares? admissions policy is a random draw of names from a pile. His ?Who Cares? housing lottery would work the same way. He also advocates a change of UR?s motto from ?Meliora? to ?Who Cares??

?I really want to make things simpler for our apathetic campus,? the cartoon said. ?What?s simpler than just not caring??

Director of Admissions Jamie Hobba declined comment.

One of his most controversial positions is changing the UR mascot from a yellowjacket to a hamster and replacing URbee with Juicy, the hamster from the popular comic by Joan Knihnicki.

Director of Athletics and Recreation George VanderZwaag said he was all for the change.

?From my knowledge, I think we?d be the only school with a hamster for a mascot. That?s kinda cool,? he said.

The football team, which was just informed last week of their new sponsorship contract with Victoria?s Secret, was disgusted with the idea.

It is also rumored that Who Cares? Guy plans to propose transplanting the Fraternity Quad to Bermuda. He also plans to disband Women?s Caucus or put them to work in the kitchen.

The comic and the SA group have been at war since last year when a comic depicting men as judging women by their breast size ran an issue of the CT.

Women?s Caucus held bake sales as fundraisers to attempt to slow the rising tide for Who Cares? Guy. They donated the money to Fountain for a change of hairstyle.

?In her endorsement photo, Fountain looked like an ugly boy with big ears and no hair,? junior and president of Women?s Caucus Alison Schroth said. ?Come on. Who would vote for someone who looked like that? You?ve got to show some T and A if you want to get anywhere in this world.?

Current SA Speaker of the Senate and senior Damon Dimmick didn?t see much of a problem.

?I don?t see much different about working with a cartoon than our current situation,? he quipped.

Who Cares? Guy said he isn?t sure of who he wants to be his chief of staff. Rumor is that the job will g o to Frass, from the comic ?Sass the Frass,? if he wants it.

?I want to open doors for all the comics here,? Who Cares Guy said.

?I?m excited for this opportunity,? Au-Yeung said. ?I?ll just have a lot of drawing to do. I?m going to be Who Cares? Guy?s right-hand man.?



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