As someone who has not only dabbled in the dating game, but also watched too many ?Sex in the City? episodes, I have to say it makes me feel good to know that I don?t have to plan my years after college around someone else?s needs.
Call it selfish, but I?ve watched so much turmoil this year between couples who are at a crossroads that every day feels like a cross between ?Passions? and a made-for-TV movie.
With all this in mind, I decided to take the stance that I?m simply out to have fun before I graduate.
Mind you, this does not mean random sex every night ? not only would that contradict my supposed integrity, but I simply don?t have enough energy in my old age. This enlightened perspective has led to some rather entertaining experiences.
As many of you booty shakers probably know, one of the key places to be approached is at a club when you?re dancing. This seems like a no-lose situation ? you don?t have to talk but can simply dance with the person and what happens, happens.
Maybe it?s not that simple.
I was recently at a club, dan-cing on a platform as I am often apt to do. I looked down and saw a guy looking up at me ? a rare occurrence due to my stature ? doing that pseudo-dancing thing you can only do when you are on a platform. We smiled at each other and I went back into my Abba-like state.
A few minutes later I felt someone grinding on my behind. I assumed that it was just one of my friends playing with me, but when I turned around I realized that it was not only the guy from before who was dancing below me, but he was actually rubbing his butt against mine.
It was a little weird.
When he turned to me I went to talk to him and was greeted by a eyeful of sign language. Suddenly, all those visions I had of us growing old together, having six kids and having deep conversations about life vanished, as I have limited foreign language skills.
So we?re dancing in silence for a while, the pounding of the beat our unspoken communication. He then reached out for my friend dancing next to me.
Jokingly, I tried to hold him back and pretend to bitch-slap my friend. Since he couldn?t hear us, he actually thought I was serious and literally jumped off the platform in panic.
So much for that relationship.
Then there?s the situation where the drunkest guy at the bar feels the need to hit on you.
On St. Paddy?s Day, one guy was actually so drunk that he approached me by falling on me, spilling my drink.
After I berated him for a while, he stood dumbfounded and began chatting with me. He apologized for being so forward. I pointed out that it wasn?t that he was being aggressive, but drunk. There is a difference after all.
He then attempted to get my number, and I tried to convince him that if he didn?t call the next day I would actually become a lesbian and be done with men. You know the guy is drunk when he actually believes you.
He then told me to wait where I was so he could come back and kiss me. I appreciated his forwardness but I took that as a hint ? he seemed the type of guy to wake up the next morning having no idea where he was.
Perhaps the most entertaining incident was when my joke of swearing off men actually seemed a possibility.
One night I was at a club, dancing as usual and a bit too intoxicated for my own good. Suddenly this girl started dancing with me ? beautiful, tall, and black, with long black braids. I was a bit dumbfounded and when she kept trying to talk to me, I couldn?t hear her so she dragged me into a corner.
We talked for awhile and I actually gave her my number when she asked. I was so flustered, however, that I wrote both my first and last name and I think if she had asked I would have included my social security number and my bra size.
She promised to call the next day but I doubted it. What I forgot, however, was that I was not dealing with boys anymore.
When she called, right on schedule, I was more flustered than the night before, but while my friends jokingly called me ?straight with a twist,? I realized that this was an unlikely paring.
Alas, there were no consu-mated situations to lower the score on my purity test and besides, it was just working out too perfectly.
So basically I?ve learned that you?re damned if you do and damned if you don?t, but hey ? at least the situations are memorable.