Humor

The Freshman Guide to Making Friends

Walk up to someone, get on your knees, and shout, “PLEASE BE MY FRIEND!!!” Bonus points if you start hysterically sobbing.

The Demonic Nature of Innovative Technology

Elkay EZO8WSSK EZH2O Bottle Filling Station with Single ADA Cooler Hands Free Activation Refrigerated Stainless, Stainless Steel

Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.

You no longer need to make thermite at home, you can buy it in coffee cans. But it is kinda steep and you will need to cut the coffee out.

An open letter to junior year

I made a bulleted list. Why? To convince myself that if I’ve survived what I deem pretty damn miserable, I can really do anything.

There are freshmen in your walls

⛧ n̸̪̎̋à̶̡̜͔̍͐͝m̵̜̠̣͉̬̋̈́͘e̵̜͚̥͆̅̃̈́́ ̸̘̩̒̂ą̶̭̖̓̑n̴͎̍͆͗̋͐d̸̠̔ͅ ̸͕̻͔̪̙̽͛m̴̝̫̪̀͐ą̷̿̒̊̈ĵ̷͎̜̭̈́̄̀ö̷̳̫̥͓̭r̴̹̰̘̱͗̿͋̄̈́?̶̙̫̠̖͖̔̽ ⛧

The maze formally known as Gilbert Hall

It’s okay to turn a blind eye to abusing the laws of the natural world. All this reporter can do is turn around and walk out of Gilbert. 

A letter to future UR kids

You can be bent over for two reasons at this school — either you're laughing so hard you can’t breathe, or you’re getting fucked over.

The Joker speaks

This sent me down a rabbit hole — how much force do you need to physically remove a male genitalia from the rest of the body?

Considering campus curses

I heard that this curse was actually invented within the last two decades to create some lore and mystery. I think the campus needs some new curses.

The Joker Speaks: This guy thinks he’s funny?

They made new neighborhood watches to “keep an eye” on me and I’m now “on a List,” but what else is an honest guy to do for a good day’s work?