First-years officially classified as invasive species
Based on the first-years’ recent growth patterns, it is imperative to curb the first-year infestation before they take over Burton and Crosby as well.
Does Jeff Runner even run? The answer may shock you!
We ran a poll, and, astoundingly, of the four people we asked, not a single person reported having ever seen Jeffrey Runner run.
Long-line epidemic sweeping through campus; Line vigilantes rumored
That’s right — the line epidemic is sweeping across the UR campus with no signs of slowing down.
Breaking news: First-years still have a will to live
They are so full of hope it makes any upperclassman sick with the realization that they, too, were once full of bliss and a will to live.
Journal of a lonely student exposed, published in Museum of Natural History
The deepest caverns of my psyche are stuffed with gauzy, stringy globs of caterpillar silk and rendered inaccessible. Welcome to my twisted mind.
Email from admin: Students must get positive COVID-19 test for the fall
In order to accommodate these students, we have decided to lock you all into Strong Auditorium and pump infected air through the vents.