Humor

Student unaware exam mistakes are changing laws of the universe

The first-year’s eldritch ignorance first came to attention when a faulty use of the buoyancy equation sunk every vessel in the South China Sea.

University shutdown continues

Debate over funding for the proposed campus border wall prolongs the ongoing University shutdown.

Look on the Bright Side…

Luis visits Mariama in Valentine Tower one afternoon looking for motivation to study. He finds it, but in an unexpected way.

Michael Bublé Emerges From Year-Long Hibernation In Egg To Judge Mankind

The 43-year old Canadian crooner was seen last Sunday dividing up a crowd of Vancouver Starbucks patrons by their moral purity.

Florida Experiences Problems with Recurring Recounts

Florida, a state that is "physically incapable of making decisions" is under fire as midterm elections went to yet another recount.

Gone Bananas

Smuggling fruit out of the dining halls is an almost universal practice among UR students. How many is too many? The morality of one student's 23 banana conquest is called into question.

Horrorscopes

This star sign decoder reveals your fate for the month of October.

Advice from Tiffany, the White Suburban Mom

In her new column, Tiffany the White Suburban Mom answers your pressing questions and gives advice to the common folk.

Rochester’s Inaugural Hunger Games

Faced with the problem of too many students in the first-year class, the University of Rochester must take drastic measures in order to decrease the amount of matriculating students.

Incoming Student Upset That No Professor Has Come Forward as His Nemesis Yet

A First-year is disappointed that no professor has come forward as his nemesis. The legacy student arrived on campus this semester hoping that adversity in the form of opposition to his academic success would inspire him to be ever better.