Humor
April Fools
Clinton Foundation Announces $1B for Adrenochrome Research
The donation will transform the nation’s understanding of adrenochrome’s potential for anti-aging and brain-maximizing properties.
April Fools
University reintroduces Option D meal plan in response to student concerns
The plan will cost $2,893 per semester and can only be used to purchase tasteful, seasonal Starbucks tumblers.
April Fools
Administration commits to quadrupling Israeli investments per activist demands
A culmination of months of protests by hundreds of student and community members demanding the University take a monetary and vocal stand against the war in Gaza, UR’s administration announced Thursday that they will be quadrupling investments in Israeli defense suppliers.
DPS
Dorm door struck by 57 bullets after refusing PubSafe’s orders to open
During a routine lock-out call in O’Brien Hall Thursday night, 59 bullets were discharged into a door from the barrel of a Department of Public Safety officer-involved gun.
Rocky
Rocky to be replaced by URBee after losing legal battle against Georgia Tech’s Buzz
Up until recently, Georgia Tech had an agreement with UR that allowed the two yellowjackets to coexist peacefully.
April Fools
Coachella 2024 moving to Rochester
While the original lineup will be preserved (barring Doja Cat, who refuses to travel to upstate New York), the Rochester-based band Fuzzrod will be added.
April Fools
Not sexist enough: Computer Science professor fired
Walter Mellon, tenured professor of Computer Science, was quietly relieved of his duties earlier this week due to his “unwavering refusal to adhere to outdated gender stereotypes,” Computer Science Department Chair Michael L. Scott announced.
April Fools
Protest policy changes: A rundown
The status of UR’s Protest Policy is constantly in flux so here’s a rundown to help you keep track of it all.
April Fools
Album Review
I listened to an Album by an Artist and it was okay, I guess. When I pressed play, it made noises and I heard it. That was fine.
