Humor

Gourds!

She explained, “For purely decorative gourds I’m a big fan of Tennessee dancing gourds, and bicolor egg gourds.”

A closer look at the freshman BME major

The Hajim class operates primarily within the engineering quad and under piles of depression laundry in each organism’s respective dorm habitat.

A day in the life of University middle management

If you consult the delegation guidebook, you’ll see that crises on River Campus are delegated to the Dean of the Faculty of Arts, Sciences, and Engineering.

What to do with your pumpkins after Halloween

Do you think Wegmans is too bumpy? Throw a pumpkin at it. Mad that Genesee is so nice? Pumpkin. Wish Optikale were open? Goergen gets a pumpkin, too.

A list of bathrooms

For those of us who suffer from IBS and UTS (Upset Tummy Syndrome), knowing where the best, cleanest, and most private bathrooms are is always a necessity.

A President who will cut the malarkey!

The Biden transition team has put forward a platform, “We pledge in our first 100 days to abolish the scourge of malarkey in all of its forms.”

Letter to the Editor: Tinder isn’t working for me

Maybe “I’ll make you feel like Donald Trump makes America feel” isn’t a great opening line.

Southside spiders seriously spook Stella

Imagine my displeasure upon finding a gargantuan, lustrous-rumped, gangly-legged, octo-eyed, bitch-ass orb weaver staring at me from its tiny nest of butt string.

About ten scary movies to watch in the dark

Scary movies have driven Halloween since the first moving picture was created by a guy carving a bunch of tiny shapes into a turnip and spinning it around really fast.

Wake up sheeple!

Decked from head to toe in sheepskin vests, fluffy boots, and sheep-adorned masks, you’ll never guess what twist this group of FOX News viewers pulled on the “ridiculous CDC regulations.”