Narratives

Shocking: UR student confirmed to have first name

I was sitting at the Pit, dreaming about a world where the salad bar offers more than two fruits at any given time. Then one revelation tore me apart.

Rise of the Bathroom Bastard

For weeks my floor lived in fear of the Bathroom Bastard. I would have preferred to be kept off their victim list. But I didn’t get the luxury of choosing.

Genesee Hall residents targeted by jealous classmates, pelted with veggies

Victims were pelted with various rotten fruits and vegetables from a passing vehicle, and also reported hearing someone shout, ‘Sue B. in the house!’"

Choose Your Own Adventure: D-Day!

Your buddy Xander slides you a scrap of tin foil. Inside is either a tiny blotter of LSD or the corner of a Forever stamp of Mr. Incredible. What do you do?

The CT guide to enrolling in a secret course

Examples include two credit course “CAS 105: ROC YOUR BAR MITZVAH” and 69-credit course “XXX 420: Free Weed and Skateboard Tricks.”

Funk tribunal dooms UR band to eternity of groove

The tribunal sought to review the legitimacy of first-year fusioneers “Nut Butter” as an heir to the greasy throne of River Campus funk.

Picolas Cage: The Epilogue: Return of the Cage

Several months after I had last seen Nic Cage, I was surprised to hear what sounded like someone opening the front door of the mansion he bequeathed me.

The Chronicles of Picolas: The Hooker, the Cage, and the Pyramid

After three hours hiding from the police in an abandoned barn in Nevada, Nic Cage's nutritionist finally arrived. He had one question for her that would change all of our lives: "What can you tell me about pickles?"

Dora and the Lost Ark: Closure

Before the commercial break, Indiana Jones tackled Dora into some bushes. Angus and Bartholomew were worried about what their daughter might see after the commercials

Picolas Cage: Tokyo Cage

We made it for two hours before I saw the red and blue lights. We had discussed this possibility, but there's really no hiding a giant six-foot pickle hitched on to the back of a motorcycle