Archives - John Pinto

MERT reports ‘690 percent’ increase in penis injuries on Feb. 14

According to a joint statement from MERT and Public Safety, this spike in reported incidents left the MERT team “stretched thin and girthless.”

The wolf t-shirt you got from the cousin who likes magic tricks and theme parks

Cousin Rick likes magic tricks and Six Flags. He owns three Fushigis. He lives más. And now he's gone and bought you a shirt.

CT Life Skills: How to eat food

Some criteria to keep in mind: Is the thing you want to eat moving? If so, it may be alive or a car, and therefore very difficult to catch and eat.

Engineering expo promises “New opportunities for misery and death in the Middle East”

“We hope students will take this opportunity to get in on the ground floor of unmitigated slaughter,” a UR Career Center representative told the CT.

Cheating really isn’t a big deal

Two of the last three Baseball World Series Champions cheated. Who cares?

Student plans on wearing same blue-and-white striped shirt (wrinkled, no tie) to three Formals

Sophomore and Kendrick Hall resident Nathan LaGuardia-Karsh said he came to this decision after absolutely no soul-searching or consideration.

UR suggests ‘box, stick, and string approach’ as declining daddy alternative 

The traps, part of a UR initiative entitled “I Don’t See Why You Should Be Entitled to Food,” will be available for pick-up at dining halls this Tuesday.

Inspiring: My roommate has kept a sailboat parked in our driveway for over a year

I was able to secure an exclusive interview with this nautical visionary to figure out just how he pulled off such a feat in on-land docking.

Ever Better CDCS

No amount of rearranging your labs and workshops will ever make Orgo go away, you poor suckers. Dump those "required" courses and take these ones instead!

Please don’t take a ‘creative’ class if you won’t try

Just showing up to relax and writing “when you feel like it” — a perfectly valid pursuit — is what Nanowrimo and A03 are for.