Archives - Benjamin Schiffman
Not stressed enough? We have just the service for you!
Break From School Breaks is a startup that will assign you stressful and fulfilling work to keep you busy over your school breaks!
Long-line epidemic sweeping through campus; Line vigilantes rumored
That’s right — the line epidemic is sweeping across the UR campus with no signs of slowing down.
Email from admin: Students must get positive COVID-19 test for the fall
In order to accommodate these students, we have decided to lock you all into Strong Auditorium and pump infected air through the vents.
Presidential historian and author Michael Beschloss explains what makes a great president
While eating lunch with Richard Nixon at his home in 1992, historian and author Michael Beschloss asked what Nixon would…
Drink to the future: How one student became a psychic
So how did Noah Dafuture, a UR junior, gain his psychic powers? Dafuture attributes his success to drinking the mysterious liquid found inside a Magic 8 Ball.
Email from a distraught, unvaccinated donor
Nobody told me there was a cutoff for illegal benefits, and it would have been nice to know considering my most recent donation of $150 and two black market kidneys seems to total only $5 net value under the apparent “official” vaccine “price.”