The crisp mid-October air brushed over my face as a gentle reminder of times unforgiving and constant march forward. The seasons are changing once more, with the plummeting temperature rendering even the dueling rows of proud oaks a waning auburn. 

That does not matter. It may have been a beautiful day, but I did not care. The only reason I was outside at all is because my physics test was on the other side of campus. My 8 a.m. exam, for which I went to bed at 2 a.m. Five-and-a-half hours of sleep may not be much, but the fear and adrenaline coursing through my veins was enough to keep me wide awake. The leaves below my feet crunched in a manner one can only describe as simply delectable. My hunger began to present itself as an issue. I may be knowledgeable  on the subject matter, but that would be irrelevant if the growl of my stomach drowned out my thoughts.

The room was filled to the brim with unknowing victims. The TAs had already started passing out the reference materials in the worst attempt at organization I’ve seen in a while. My stomach rumbled once more as I took the first seat I came across. I grabbed my calculator and pencil from my bag as the TAs were moving on to the test-distribution phase of their chaos. 

I quickly found myself staring down at an inch high stack of 8.5’’ by 11’’ papers. It may have been the stress of the impending examination, because my tummy was quite aggravated by my inability to find some nutrients in a timely manner, but I suddenly felt sick. The professor reminded us of the time limit and insisted the coming questions would be reasonable. 

I flipped open the test bible to find a dense word problem filled with more Greek letters than the Odyssey. The question flustered me almost as much as interacting with women. My gut protested just as much as my mind, in its most convincing plea for sustenance. It thankfully led me away to the reference packet, a two page stapled document. “Surely the second page will not be important for the material at hand,” I lied to myself, as I separated the page from the staple. “It’s probably vegan, which means I’m a good person,” I thought to myself as a half-assed justification. 

I naively thought there would be some semblance of moisture to my snack, given the density of the inky equations. The flavor wasn’t half bad, and a quick swig of coffee leveled out the moisture content. But just one page could not satisfy my Hungry Hungry Hippo of a stomach. The meager document was gone in the blink of a sleep deprived eye, drawing my attention to the exam itself. After developing a taste for the forbidden fruit, I simply could not help myself. Page after page drowned by sips of coffee went down like the finest of pure wines paired with countless figs. What an ass I must have looked to the all seeing eyes of the oh so innocent TAs! 

To my dismay, all that laid before me was my pencil: I had run out of food, but not appetite. My hand shot up like a rocket. The same TA sheepishly found his way over and reluctantly met my demand for scrap paper. By this point, the professor had begun to grow suspicious. From five paces away, he stood, dumbfounded at my act of defiance. After I’d had my fill, I left the hall, never to return again. 

Tagged: Physics ur joking


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