The US has long had a problem in colleges across its nation. Each year, thousands of students join Greek life, and as hazing worsens, we here at Latest Moments of Associations that are Ongoing decided to send an undercover agent into the most devious of clubs. This club is renowned for its dicey decisions, and strict roles for all its members. The club in question was none other than the dastardly, the one and only: Tabletop RPG club. 

Yes, even our most refined journalists shuddered at the mention of such an organization. But, for the sake of our future Comic Con heroes, us LMAO members shot our newbie Ima Saehd into the flames. Trial by fire or something, they agreed because they were eager to impress (and no one else wanted to hang out with a “bunch of nerds”.)

On her first night, Saehd was introduced to the basic layout of the club. An eboard member was caught on Saehd’s hidden wire, saying, “Go to that corner to make a character. That table is for learning to DM, and the giant glowing portal is for screaming about how alone you are.”

In order to dig into the meat of this club, Saehd had to immerse herself in the world of cringe I mean, the peculiar world of Dungeons and Dragons. Despite her reservations, and the active bets going on at LMAO’s headquarters, Saehd jumped right in. 

“It was remarkable,” Saehd later wrote for her Features piece. “Every single interaction was more awkward than the last. It felt impossible for things to get worse than ‘You wanna see my lint collection?’ but the next thing I knew, someone told me that the group was going out to get bagels from Tim Hortons!” 

A week passed, and come next meeting, it was initiation time. 

As is commonly known in the D&D world, Bards are known for seducing their way out of any situation (also referred to the “I fucked my way into this mess, I’ll fuck my way out” method). Having chosen to play a bard, Saehd was instructed to seduce the DM. Not with just any roll of a D20, however, but with her own four limbs, two eyeballs, one pair of t- yeah you guys get it. 

Legally, LMAO cannot disclose the recorded audio; however, if you pinky promise to keep it on the DL, you can check a few sites, and there may or may not be some spicy tapes available. 

After completing the initiation, Saehd interviewed another provisional Bard who had undergone the ceremony. “I had a little experience with flirting,” the student, who chose to remain anonymous (probably for privacy reasons, but honestly, who names their kid ‘Dennis’), “like, with my anime waifu body pillow, but besides that, I was flying blind.” 

Upon her return to LMAO studios, the crew were:

  1. Shocked to see her in one piece. 
  2. Excited for her groundbreaking story, and 
  3. A lil’ disappointed that most of them had lost a little pocket change on the bet that Saehd would come running back complaining about how there wasn’t an open bar at the D&D club. 

We look forward to Ima Saehd’s riveting article, which will be released soon. Until then, stay tuned for our newest edition of “Chris Pine and Chris Oak: will they or won’t they?”

 

Tagged: dnd hazing humor


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