Dr.ChatBot, controversial figure on UR campus, dies weeks before second birthday. 

Dr. ChatBot, the University’s COVID-19 screening tool and controversial figure who harassed many email boxes on official University breaks, passed away peacefully on Jan. 28. They were almost two years old. 

Dr. ChatBot leaves behind what experts have estimated to be 1.5 million unread emails, and with no last will and testament, they will be haphazardly discarded, just as they were before their untimely demise. 

In their humble abode in a little unused corner of the UR Mobile app, the multiple diverse graphic representations of Dr. ChatBot were all found deactivated due to neglect from the entire undergraduate student body for months on end. Some are calling it a heinous crime, but the majority see the demise of Dr. ChatBot as the end to a consistent waste of time and energy on behalf of students and staff alike.

Their 4 a.m. “oh shit, I’m up THIS late?” emails to fill out their symptoms survey will be dearly missed by the resident workaholics of UR who have Pavloved themselves into blocking out the audio cue of any preset alarm. In addition, the lack of emails to come has proven to take a gigantic toll on those motherfuckers who don’t clear out their inbox and brag about how many unread email notifications they have for the sole purpose of being completely insufferable.

The funeral will be held to the tolling automated bells of the Hopeman Carillon, to commemorate Dr. ChatBot’s legacy: a constant, incessant reminder of the passage of time, a nuisance to daily life, and a frustrating staple of the UR campus.

They will not be missed.


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