The following text is copied and pasted from a University-wide email sent out at 4:20 a.m. on this past D-Day (Friday, Apr. 30).
Dear University Community,
It has come to the administration’s attention that many University students are distraught about the COVID-19 vaccine requirement for the upcoming fall 2021 semester. While this policy was agreed upon and implemented with the goal of keeping our community and our students safe, it is becoming increasingly clear that the vaccine alone will not be enough to push our students toward a safe semester.
In light of this revelation, the vaccine requirement is now to be replaced with a requirement that all students show proof of a positive COVID-19 test result before returning to campus. We believe that this is the only way to ensure that Strong Hospital and the surrounding community will not be flooded with COVID-19 cases — if you all get sick at home.
For those of you who manage to make it back to campus, we believe that this policy will result in a safer, quieter campus environment. Students with preexisting conditions that would make COVID-19 more dangerous to them can apply to receive all three currently available vaccines (yes, you must get a total of five shots) to return to campus. If you cannot receive the vaccine, and you find yourself in that group, there will be human-sized hamster balls available to keep you safe throughout the semester.
We do understand that some of our student body is already vaccinated and may have a hard time contracting the SARS-CoV-2 virus. In order to accommodate these students, we have decided to lock you all into Strong Auditorium and pump infected air through the vents. You will all be quarantined for 72 hours after your exposure, but will not be required to test positive.
As an administration, we want what is best for all of our students. This news may be hard for some, so starting next week, every Saturday at 4:30 a.m. there will be a UCC drop-in group for anyone concerned about the new COVID-19 requirements.
We look forward to seeing you all back on campus next semester!
University of Rochester Administration