Everyone loves a late night Insomnia delivery, and the sweet sensation that comes with biting into a gooey cookie at 1 am, but not all cookie choices are created equal.
So, here are your vibes, based off of your favorite Insomnia cookie.
Chocolate Chunk: A classy classic. You’re not here for frills; just cheap thrills. You probably have two weeks’ worth of socks (at most), and they’re all from the same Hanes pack. You have a favorite pen, but when it stops working, you’ll buy a new one instead of replacing the ink.
M&M: A favorite with a crunchy brand-named twist. No matter what height you are, somehow you are fun-sized. There’s a lot of effort that goes into being the fun friend, and you carry it off with ease (except for when you lock yourself in your room because nobody can know that you suffer, too).
Confetti: You were babied back in high school, and that idea of needing a family dynamic in your friend groups has messed up your perception of friendship. You still sing Happy Birthday in your head every single time you wash your hands.
Double Chocolate Chunk: The chocolate base cookie gives you an edge that is supposed to make you cool. Instead, it just shows that chocolate has really become an emotional crutch in your life. As a result of both your cacao affinity and your fragile emotional state, you will throw hands with someone who likes white chocolate without hesitation (or reason).
Double Chocolate Mint: You legitimately like those Andes mint chocolates that they give out at fancy restaurants, to the point where you’ll take extras from the bowl. You like to have really strong trivial opinions, but when people start thinking that you legitimately care, it sends you into a tailspin. Your friends think you need therapy based on your cookie choice alone.
Peanut Butter Chip: You went trick-or-treating and did a candy swap with your friends as a child, and you were the one making the real money moves. You have a penchant for hyper-organization as a form of procrastination, and when people tell you that you seem really put-together, you can’t help but laugh.
Snickerdoodle: A grocery store and pantry shelf staple. You tend to enjoy the finer things in life, such as self-proclaimed self-care days where you do nothing but watch “Real Housewives of Orange County.” There’s something about middle-aged women and obnoxious editing that just gets you going.
Sugar: We pray this was just a mistake in ordering. You either have way too much money to throw around or you are a legitimate insomniac that didn’t realize they were ordering straight sugar cookies. When you’re not being a complete cryptid, you enjoy Wikipedia rabbit holes and have a random tab up during every Zoom class.
White Chocolate Macadamia: You are either the coolest person in all of your friend groups, or you hiss at the idea of going outside, especially after the pandemic. Either way, you’re willing to pay for Insomnia delivery even though the walk is only a half mile.
Vegan options: You’re a fucking hippie.