Last week, I wrote about pumpkins being out of fashion in November. In that article, I proposed replacing your properly placed but poorly timed decorative pumpkins with a perfectly practical alternative: acorn squash.

I received many letters, Google Sheets documents, and rocks with messages painted on them from excited readers who loved my piece. Some of them couldn’t wait for me to check my phone, so they threw their message through the window. A notable theme in the messages was that people were dissatisfied with my suggestion of acorn squash. They wanted more gourds.

I, unfortunately, am no connoisseur of gourds, simply a common admirer.

So I asked a friend and gourd connoisseur, sophomore Gillian Reeder. Gill agreed with my recommendation of acorn squash, but prefers to eat it rather than look at it. She explained, “For purely decorative gourds I’m a big fan of Tennessee dancing gourds, and bicolor egg gourds.”

Her recommendations for decorative squash are both small and delightful; they would do well in bowls on coffee tables or hidden around the house with little faces painted on them. Though I appreciated Gill’s help, I wanted to identify more gourds for my fans’ personal use.

My first thought on how to find more gourds was Wikipedia. I started with the list of lists of lists. This is a rather self-explanatory page, and a good place to start for any search. This took me to the list of foods. Another aptly named Wiki page. This led me to the list of vegetables (which for some reason includes fruits), which finally led me to my ultimate goal: the list of gourds and squashes. The lesson learned? If you’re bored, I highly recommend Wikipedia lists.

Anyways, here are a few of my favorite gourds and squashes from the list.

Calabash, also called Bottle Gourds, is one of the oldest domesticated crops. It is grown all over the world to eat and to use as… bottles. Shocking, I know.

Pattypan squash is a little green boi that people like to eat. I like it because it reminds me of the little purple pentapus from “Avatar: the Last Airbender.” I promise I didn’t include this one just to reference the show.

Spaghetti squash, the favored squash of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, does not look like spaghetti from the outside. Spaghetti is long and stringy. Spaghetti squash is not, until you cut it open! Then it’s long and stringy, like spaghetti, or burnt hair.

I hope I have satisfied your solicitations of succulent, stunning, and superb squashes and gourds. If not, to gather greater gobs of good gourd information, check out the aforementioned list of gourds and squashes. Or talk to the campus’s gourd connoisseur, Gillian Reader at gourds@campustimes.org.

Tagged: Gourds Wikipedia


The boys need a new WilCo bathroom

Women get a nice, triangular bathroom in Wilson Commons to take mirror selfies in. Men do not have such a glamorous sanctuary.

New quad animal reported, dubbed QuadScrat

From the Humor section: Outside, the squirrel clung tenuously to that skinny branch, jaw clamped on his acorn. Then came the wind. Rochester wind.

Scrapped plans for ‘Romantic lunch with Dean Runner’ released to CT

You are invited to join Jeff Runner, Dean of the College, for a romantic walk in the park on April 1, 2021.