Bernie Sanders (remember him?) announced today that he plans to continue campaigning virtually amid social distancing orders.

The extent to which Sanders will manage to operate a computer on his own without the help of a teenage IT intern earning $15 per hour is unclear.

Yet Sanders’ new campaign efforts have shown promise, and he hopes that such a seismic shift in American life from the coronavirus pandemic strengthens his case. A pandemic places increased importance on healthcare. The current American healthcare system is tied to employment, which prompts problems for many as unemployment rates increase at a record speed. 

Policy wonks point out that under Sanders’ Medicare for All proposal, you wouldn’t have to pay to be told that your hospital has run out of ventilators. It is believed that Sanders’ communications staff is working on better wording for such a point, however. A spokesman for Joe Biden’s campaign deftly responded to increased calls for Medicare for All with an emphatic and insightful “No comment.”

Sanders’ campaign is also playing up climate change prevention as an important issue related to coronavirus. Supporters have begun putting signs in their lawn with lists of things caused by climate change, including COVID-19, melting ice caps, natural disasters, and Sanders’ glasses fogging up.

Given Sanders’ old age, some supporters have expressed concern for the candidate’s health. Luckily, he lives in Vermont, which has very few coronavirus cases, and even fewer people. It does have a lot of cows, though, which has some voters concerned about mad cow disease.

“Hopefully soon, our doctors and researchers will come up with a cure,” Sanders said in a speech. “Then the American people can get back to work, which includes me returning to my job of losing primaries to Joe Fucking Biden.”



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I found some real delicacies there, and I’m honestly impressed... that I’ve been eating the same three things without ending up comatose.