Dear Editor,

In my last letter, I expressed some confusion about all the panic over Coronas. 

Last time it was just in the news, but now it’s in my daily life! People are buying up all of everything in the stores: toilet paper, smoked meats, puppies. I thought if everyone’s buying Coronas, so should I. So I bought 48 bottles of Corona, a dozen limes, boxes of tissues, some duct tape, a climbing harness, some fingerless gloves, chalk, and hand lotion. 

I also saw on TV that the governor of New York said to build a shelter at our place? I mean, I thought my house counted as a shelter, but I guess I can put a window unit and an air mattress in our shed and count that as a shelter? I don’t think it’ll help if there’s a tornado, though.

Anyways, the school gave us extra spring break which was great, because I wanted to see as many people as possible after I got back from my vacation in Italy. I did have to go home which sucked. It’s hard to be a frat star in suburban Binghamton. 

This whole social distancing thing has been great for my relationship with my dad. He’s really been trying his best to be Tony Romo. He must have read my last article. He’s dating models now, and getting paid way more to talk about football than he ever got paid to play it (he played quarterback in high school, just like me). Plus, just like Tony, he has acquired the gift of prophecy, and can foresee all the fates that might befall me.

Either way, this is probably the best marketing plan of any company ever. I mean, all anyone talks about is Corona! This takes viral marketing to a whole new level. Though I don’t know if “any press is good press” applies here. Either way, Corona’s stock jumped up by 5% last week, so I guess it’s working.

Sincerely,

Chad Bradford

Phi Gamma Delta Fraternity

BA in Busy-ness Manigement



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