We all have problems. I’m sure, for instance, that your econ test really tested your patience. 

But no one is coming to save you. No one is going to rescue you or pull you out of the never-ending cacophony of boy drama and roommate woes.

These are trying times. The world is burning. Children are dying. People who steal Grubhub orders walk among us.

Do these terrors mean there is no God? Who can say?

One thing we know for sure is that Danny DeVito, that glorious 4-foot-10-inch ball of pure sex and charisma, is the closest thing we have to a savior.

But even he’s not coming to save us. 

Does this Adonis have the mental space to think about some random school in a frozen tundra? The answer to that should be clear.

He hasn’t thought about UR even once. Not a single, miniscule time.

Never once has he asked himself, “Why won’t the quad fox die?”  or “Why is everyone so obsessed with giving out succulents in Wilco?” He doesn’t know, and he doesn’t care. He has more pressing issues to attend to. There are beauty pageants to plan, troll tolls to calculate, and eggs to give out to those in trying times. 

But not to you, or anyone in this school. Because you are nothing to him.



UR’s COVID-19 response was good, but it can be ever better

While UR has not been perfect in their response to COVID-19, there is much to appreciate. 

Thanks to Minecraft project, UR is just a block away

"Our goal is to build community and give the gift of a virtual campus to the senior class,” the team's statement read.

Demon Girl: Sick as Hell 2, COVID-boogaloo

I’ve heard a lot of people describing the coronavirus situation as “hell.” Sorry friends, but Hell is much worse. I know from experience.