Editor’s note: Steiner and Schildkraut penned this letter on behalf of Quad Fox.
Quad Fox was upset to see the Campus Times Editorial Board’s attempt to invalidate his and Albino Squirrel’s candidacy. Quad Fox is enrolled as a political science and biomedical engineering major. It is disgusting that anyone would assume that he has not paid the student activities fee or is not a member of the Students’ Association. Quad Fox has a receipt showing that he paid the student activities fee on January 6, 2019 in Bitcoin. This means that Quad Fox’s candidacy is not just valid, but he also would become SA President if he were to win the election this week.
What is more upsetting are the allegations against Quad Fox accusing him of murdering squirrels. Quad Fox denies these allegations. Anyone can edit a video to make it seem like a fox is eating a squirrel. In the video posted online, Quad Fox is actually eating tofu, but the video was doctored by a malicious Groundboi Gang hacker to frame Quad Fox. Quad Fox and his family live a happy vegan lifestyle, and his wife is very upset because of this WITCH HUNT. SAD. How could anyone be so heartless as to try and destroy a family? Campus Times? More like “Campus Crimes.” Anyone who pays attention to the Public Safety reports knows that there’s no crimes on this campus, especially not on any footbridges. Again, total WITCH HUNT.
What are you going to do next? Are you going to ask Jamal and Anne Marie if they’ve paid their student activities fee? Are you going to accuse Genessis and Lionel of murdering those charcoal “burgers” at the Pit? Are you going to call Vlad and Kamel “a danger to our democracy?” Quad Fox and Albino Squirrel have been unfairly targeted as a grassroots campaign. Quad Fox, as a wild animal, has seen plenty of swamps, and he knows that this one needs to be drained. Did you know that 100 percent of bad presidents have been humans and not foxes?
Quad Fox encourages the student body to get out and vote on April 11 and 12 this week. Voting is approval based, so you can even vote for both Quad Fox and a human candidate if you’d like. If the Campus Times Editorial Board has shown us anything, your vote is more important this year than ever before.
Remember to stay foxy.