With finals just around the corner, we’ve compiled our rankings of some major study spaces on campus, from worst to best. We provide a projected GPA for each.

 

Q&I – 1.7

If you want to be surrounded by friend groups inexplicably spanning the entirety of Monroe county, look no further than this Nalgene watering hole for Greek Life. It may not be the best place to study for STT 212, but stick around anyway to hear about any new sets of eskimo bros.

 

Carlson Basement – 2.2

If all dogs go to heaven, all Orgo students go to Carlson Basement. It’ll be the figurative and literal low point of your UR career. You’ll find that one kid somehow using his model kit as a pillow.

 

iZone – 2.6

The above GPA does not apply to the lucky few who are able to crawl over the corpses of their peers in the gladiator pit that is reserving one of those cushy booths. But the odds are far more likely you end up stuck with the huddled masses confined to outer rim of tables or, heaven forbid, the barren oak staircase.

 

Starbucks – 3.1

If you’ve ever wondered how someone runs out of Declining Plan A, head on down to Starbucks. You’re sure to be greeted by a rainbow of Macbook cases with PopSockets lining every which phone case. To supplement this entry, we had our stats department calculate the most basic GPA.

 

Gleason – 3.3

At last, humanity has found a safe haven for group-project coasters. But when the clock strikes midnight, get ready for a surrealist exhibition on the whiteboards. Stick around, and you might just witness someone finally proving the Meliora Hypothesis through modus tollens.

 

Stacks – 3.6

This is for people who accept the prime murder conditions of the Stacks’ dimly lit corridors if it means they can get away from their roommate who consistently plays Fortnite well past 3 a.m. The epochs-old knowledge oozing from the tomes within is sure to give you that much needed brain blast. Just don’t shine a blacklight on the walls, lest you catch of glimpse of Stephanie’s ghost.

 

Carlson 3rd Floor – 3.7, with honors

Unlike the basement, students here aspire to higher ideals. There’s a picturesque view waiting here for those who seek it. And the cubicles are the latest in ergonomic design. Treat yourself to this zen utopia.

 

PRR – 4.0, with honours

Pour one out for the true scholars. These kids don’t need to run up to their professors after class — they already got candle-lit dinner with the professor and their spouse the night before. They may only be 100 pages into their dissertation, but don’t worry — they haven’t double-spaced it yet.

 

Have a moderately lengthy nap, and then take your pick. You’ve got this.

 

Tagged: study


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