Following the revelation of allegations that Professor T. Florian Jaeger had engaged in years of sexual harassment and intimidation of colleagues and students, there has been an outpouring of support for the victims in the student body and faculty.
But one victim says that he’s been denied that compassion.
“People seem to have forgotten me completely,” said Ted Pawlicki, a professor of computer science at the University. “Last week I was still considered the most repugnant person on campus. Now? I can’t even get sneered at in the hallway.”
Since the Jaeger story was published in Mother Jones, Pawlicki has begun to intentionally hold up lines at Freshens, saying that his burritos have been structurally unsound and insisting that they’re re-made.
“That’s been helping,” he said.
He’s started to dramatically, flailingly trip in the halls, spilling the contents of his bag to reveal a copy of “Mein Kampf” and other people’s Tapingo receipts.
Still, Jaeger maintains a healthy lead over Pawlicki, even after the beleaguered computer science professor decided to start telling everyone that he studied abroad in “Barthelona.”
“What do I have to do, scream the n-word in the middle of Eastman Quad?” Pawlicki asked, slapping an ISIS bumper sticker on the back of his Hummer.
“Actually, I might be onto something there,” he said. “Can we finish this another time?”
Pawlicki had held the Most Reviled Professor on Campus title since he was awarded the ceremonial Bouquet of Negative Course Evaluations at last winter’s Boar’s Head Dinner. Wiping tears from his eyes, the professor recalled how Prof. Steven Landsburg had called him to offer congratulations.
“He’s a giant in the field of Being Despised,” Pawlicki said. “He actually gave me the idea to spray-paint ‘DICK ASLIN MORE LIKE DICK ASS-LICK’ on the side of Meliora Hall.”
Even given all his efforts, Pawlicki recognizes that he’ll need to go above and beyond, he said. At first he refused to divulge his plan, telling this reporter, “I’m a little secret boy, ooh wee, I’m a naughty little secret boy.”
But eventually, he assented.
“I’m going to interrupt President Seligman’s town hall by running on the stage, where I’ll fumblingly take off a bright red tear-away Adidas tracksuit to reveal my Confederate flag romp-him that says ‘George Bush Did Columbine.’ Then, I’ll begin to spoil prominent television shows until security takes me down, at which point I will scream, ‘AM I BEING DETAINED?’”
“It’ll be my greatest achievement.”