Anal sex, butt stuff, anal play—whatever you want to call it, it’s normal, it’s fun, and it’s healthy. I am a firm advocate that everyone who is comfortable with exploring their sexuality should give anal play a shot. So if you’ve never tried anal and are willing to give it a go, I’ve got a few tips for you to make sure your experience is fun, safe, and consensual.
- Get consent: this should go without saying, but it’s incredibly important. Consent isn’t just sexy, it is a basic human right. There’s no such thing as “it just slipped!” or “I thought you wanted it?” You and your partner(s) should agree on everything that you’re willing to try and what you’re not willing to try. What is extremely important is that you get affirmative consent. You and your partner should be giving an active and enthusiastic “Yes!” Not saying no is not the same as saying yes. Anal play is fun, but only if everyone is willing, no ifs, ands, or butts about it.
- Lube is your best friend: honestly, everyone who engages in any sort of penetrative play should be using lube. The wetter the better! Not only does it feel better, but it can help prevent painful tearing that would not only dampen the mood, but also leave either you or your partner unhappy in the morning. Remember though, you want to be using a water-based lube. Anything else will degrade the protection you’re using.
- Don’t be a hero, start close to zero: you have to learn how to crawl before you can walk, the same goes for anal play. Start out with a finger, more specifically a pinky finger, and once you or your partner becomes comfortable, move up from there. Slow and steady wins the race.
- Be safe: make sure that if you are enjoying digital penetration, your fingers are clean and your fingernails are trimmed. Also, if you are fooling around with a non-monogamous partner, please wear a condom. No glovin’, no lovin’.
- Foreplay is a must: you or your partner want to be as relaxed and turned on as possible before heading down south. Kissing, touching, squeezing, any and all of your favorites are a must.
- Toys aren’t just for kids: once you get comfortable, throw in a few sex toys! Use butt plugs, vibrators, dildos, and double penetration toys. Google and Amazon discreet shipping are helpful if you are concerned about privacy.
I hope these tips have been helpful and can help ease you into a new world of pleasure. But remember, it’s okay to say no. It is okay to change your mind. Be vocal about what you want and what you don’t want and also make sure that you’re listening to your partner. Keep checking in, make sure that all members are having a good time. Above all, though, have fun. That’s what we’re all here for, anyway, to have a good time! And if you read these tips and anal play is still not for you, that’s completely fine too. To each their own and there’s no shame in your game.