For months now, Donald Trump supporters have been trying to cast doubts on Hillary Clinton’s health.
They’ve pointed to a concussion from 2012 as evidence of brain damage, an issue about which they have much expertise, considering how incredibly focused on “mental health issues” they get every time someone uses an assault weapon to assault a large group of people. Trump himself has called Hillary frail and implied that she (though two years younger than him) couldn’t handle the rigors of campaigning, let alone the Presidency.
It would almost seem as if Trump and his supporters think a woman can only be 78 percent as healthy as a man of comparable age.
Nevertheless, a shocking piece of news broke recently when Hillary Clinton “overheated” at a 9/11 memorial event and had to be helped into a limo. This was a monumental event, not only because of the implications for Hillary’s health but because it was the first time Donald Trump supporters were proven right about anything (well, not exactly right, but less than 100 percent wrong, which is a good day for a die-hard Trump supporter). According to the New York Times, pictures of the event show that her feet were dragging as she got into the car.
If this is true and she does become President, she would be the first president unable to stand under his/her own volition since Franklin D. Roosevelt, the notoriously frail president who died in office. He was so weak, all it took to kill him was 13 years as President, a decade of the Great Depression, the Second World War, polio, and a stroke.
Later it was revealed that Hillary was diagnosed with pneumonia, prescribed antibiotics, and advised to reduce her schedule in the upcoming week. But this diagnosis was a lie designed to keep the nature of Hillary’s real ailment a secret: Hillary Clinton has been struggling for years with the Presidential Bug.
A rare disease, the Presidential Bug consumes the afflicted individual’s mind, driving them to go to any length to become President of the United States. There is some evidence that genetics play a role in making some people susceptible, as it has been known to run in families (see Adams, Roosevelt, Harrison, Bush), but it appears that it can, in rare circumstances, be transmitted sexually, as may be the case for Hillary Clinton.
The most effective known cure is simply to become President of the United States.
Hillary has been suffering from this ailment since at least 2000, and possibly earlier than that, making hers one of the longest known cases of PB, as it is known in the medical community. Hillary’s problem is that her PB progressed to Stage 4 as far back as 2008. President Obama tried to treat her disease with a major Cabinet appointment, but that only delayed the further progression of the disease—it did nothing to cure her.
After all these years and as we enter the final stretch of the Presidential race, Hillary’s mind has almost completely been consumed by this Presidential desire, and her PB is starting to physically consume her body, leading to the symptoms we’ve seen in the past few weeks. Donald Trump, however, who to this day has never actually wanted to be President, remains in relatively good shape (as good of shape as a deflated leather cantaloupe can be in, of course). However, if Hillary can manage to hold on for just a few months, there is a very good chance that she gets the treatment she needs, but only if people go vote for her.
So remember, if you care about women’s health issues (well, a woman’s health issue), the only morally defensible vote in November is one for Hillary Clinton.