As the wise James Franco once said, #SprangBreakForever.
If you’re going to be visiting a popular spring break destination and are looking forward to a week long adventure, these do’s and don’ts will keep you one step ahead of whatever situation you encounter.
Do try something new:
Spring break and the livin’ is easy. After you’ve indulged in that much needed R&R, try something new. Whether you take this as an opportunity to go parasailing, jet skiing, try a new sex position, or maybe some butt stuff, live a little. This is the last break before finals, so live it up.
Don’t have sex on the beach:
Believe me when I tell you that having sex on the beach is completely overrated. Sorry, but Mother Nature does not want to watch you have sex in front of the one of the world’s prettiest backdrops—hence, sand. Imagine how much sand you kick around just by trying to lay your towel flat. Now imagine going at it doggy style. Not only will your hands and knees hurt from the graininess, but you’re inevitably going to flick sand in each other’s eyes and mouths, not to mention get it in places where it seriously does not belong.
Beyond the discomfort, the potential risk of getting an infection, and being eaten alive by bugs, you also run the risk of getting arrested. Spare your future self and stick to having sex indoors. If you’re craving the outdoors, try your hotel balcony (as long as it’s very, very secluded) or open a window.
Don’t have sex in a pool or a hot tub:
No, these are not alternatives to having sex on the beach. Pools and, moreso, hot tubs, are breeding grounds for all sorts of grimy bacteria that you can easily get if you decide to get it on in there. While chlorine helps maintain the pH balance of the water, it does not help maintain the pH balance of your vagina. On the contrary, it actually disrupts it and can lead to a yeast infection. You can also easily lose track of the condom you’re using because the water can cause it to slip off without you even realizing. Try taking a shower together instead.
Do get tested for STI/STDs:
A routine checkup for sexually transmitted infections and diseases is never a bad idea before and after you plan on having sex with someone new. That way, you can reassure your partner that you’re clean, and have some peace of mind after-the-fact, if you are worried that they haven’t been checked. Using a condom prevents infection or disease-carrying fluids from spreading, but it does not protect against fluids that are transferred during foreplay. Remember to check and wrap it up.
Don’t live tweet:
We get it, you’re on spring break and you’ve never seen so many beautiful people before in one place. Before you decide to live tweet a series of photos of you grinding, making out, or whatever else your freaky self desires, stop. Girls Gone Wild is so early 2000s, and she’ll deny it when you say you made her “famous.” Besides, do you really need one more thing to cover up from future employers? Explaining how “proficient” you are in Microsoft Excel is enough to worry about.
Don’t overdo it:
This is a PSA to watch your “alternative beverage” intake, and to please stay safe. Your liver processes one standard drink an hour, so make sure you substitute every other drink with something non-alcoholic (#TBT to high school health class). Drunken sex is not consensual sex, and whiskey dick is not a mythological creature, so sober up before intercourse. No one likes a sloppy hookup at a frat party, and no one will like one while on vacation.
Do stay hydrated:
Drinking water will not only be beneficial for keeping you hydrated in the heat and preventing a severe hangover, but will also protect you from getting a UTI. Drinking water will help flush bacteria out of your urethra and minimize buildup. No one wants to be on antibiotics during break.
Don’t get attached:
No number, no problem. You’re on vacation—who cares if they don’t text you back? Chances are, you probably will never see the majority of the people you meet ever again. If this is something you’re uncomfortable with, remember that the spring break mindset is usually “hit it and quit it,” so make your intentions known before you venture into the bedroom. It’ll spare you both the awkward “So what are we?” conversation after.
Do stay with your friends:
It’s easy to get lost within the huge crowds of people that take over the beaches of popular spring break destinations. Be aware of your surroundings and don’t lose track of where your friends are, regardless of how attractive the person you’re flirting with is. It may sound like common sense, but you’d be surprised how quickly you can lose track of someone.