My older sister just started dating a doctor. I don’t really like him, so I’ve been sending my sister apples for the past couple of weeks. Unfortunately, an apple a day isn’t keeping him away. Apples are an amazing thing. Believe it or not, apple was actually my first word. I guess this was a healthier first word than “cheeseburger.” But it seems plausible for apple to be my first word. Think of all of the phrases. Obesity is as American as apple pie. People from the Big Apple think everything north of them is upstate. UR is trending on Facebook, how do you like them apples? I could keep going, but I don’t want to come up with a rotten apple joke that would ruin the barrel.

Apples are seen in pop culture as well. For example, I got an Amelia Earhart wallpaper on my iPhone and now it either keeps crashing or completely disappears. I’m not kidding, siri-ously. There’s the famous story of William Tell successfully shooting an apple off of his son’s head. This story had a more tragic ending for Tell’s other son, who was born with a ginormous head.

Some say that the one fruit that could rival the apple is the orange, but I won’t get into that comparison. I think that would be like comparing apples to oranges.

Horgan is a member of
the class of 2017.

Student musician kr!thi draws on roots for experimental debut single

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Dean Burns stepping down after 15 years as Dean of Students

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The catchphrase “I’m not racist”

Nowadays, it seems like anything you do can be, in some way, shape, or form, “racist.”