“Chivalry is dead” is an all too common expression these days. It holds a negative connotation, indicating that men no longer care about women. But to me, there is an inherent contradiction between striving for equality and desiring chivalry. First, let me make a distinction between chivalry and courtesy: the dictionary definition of “courtesy” is the politeness in one’s attitude or behavior toward others, while “chivalry” is courteous behavior, that of a man to a woman. So, the difference between the two is literally only the sex of the people involved in the courteous relationship. With that in mind, there have been massive strides in women’s rights taken in recent years, with more to come. I am all for equality – I believe men and women should have equal pay, equal opportunity, equal everything.
So as we evolve into this modern era, why is there still the expectation that the man pays for the date? Why is he supposed to open the car door for her? Why does he have to make the first move? Some argue that it is “the way things are done” or “how you treat a woman,” but I do not think those notions are all that compelling. Simply because things have been done a certain way doesn’t mean they are justified or should continue to occur. I argue that people should be courteous whenever possible – hold doors, say good morning, help carry boxes, etc. – but when whom you would help becomes gender specific, it becomes sexist. It makes females out to be the weaker gender who always needs the man’s help, which is blatantly untrue. Women are strong and independent – they are no longer the weaker class they were when chivalry emerged in the Medieval Era.
While some women may agree with the idea that chivalry is sexist, many will argue that they deserve both equality and chivalry. Others say that they do not need chivalry, but that it is “nice.” I get that it would be great to have it all – equal status in society, but still have guys wait on them. But the more you think about it the less it makes sense. Why do girls not sometimes treat a guy out to dinner or hold the door open for him? (I am not saying or suggesting that some women do not do this – props to the ones who do. But the stigma associated with relationships is that the man does these tasks.) Similar to how it is “nice” to have a guy do those things for you, it is “nice” when it is done for a guy as well. Gender should not play any role in partaking in kind actions toward people.
It is not debatable that there are extreme double standards between men and women. If a girl slaps a guy, generally people come to her defense and ask what he did wrong. But if a guy slaps a girl, he will leave in cuffs. On the other end of the spectrum, if a guy sleeps with several girls in the same night, friends hail him as a legend, while if a girl does the same she is ridiculed and insulted. What is my point? There are flaws in how we perceive gender roles and believe we must fit into these guidelines of what is expected. These all stem from our expectations, and the first step toward eliminating these biases and inequalities between the genders is by eliminating our illogical expectations.
Many will brush off the ideas in this article, but as an experiment for both men and women alike, think closely about the actions that you are doing. As you do things for others, think if you would do that regardless of the person’s gender. When things are done for you, think whether you would do that for the opposite gender. I believe the best way to move toward true equality between the sexes is by having people see the issues in the expectations they hold. So I argue that we should be equally courteous to all, help people without boundaries, and do nice things for one another, all while being blind to gender.
Eber is a member of
the class of 2017.
