Guess what? It’s winter! Winter is a very cold time of year for people at UR. I could go into detail about why it’s so cold, but I’ll just assume that you agree it’s cold. For those of you who are new to Rochester, you’re probably wondering what you can do to prepare for the absolutely freezing weather.

After asking around campus, I was able to cut down the process to three simple steps to stay warm.

Step 1: Go to Hillside and buy as much food and water as your friends desire.

Step 2: Pack all of this into your car.

Step 3: Drive to Miami.

I’m going to guess that you won’t follow this advice, but that isn’t my fault. There are however, more sensible ways to stay warm. The first one is my favorite. Make some hot cocoa, but don’t drink it. Just pour it all over yourself. What good does drinking it do? Sure, it warms your stomach, but as you’re hiking from Gilbert Hall to Danforth you aren’t going to be complaining about how cold your stomach is. You never hear the following conversation:

Student 1: “Hey guys, do you want to get some food from Danforth?”

Student 2: “Nah dude, I’ll freeze my stomach off.”

Student 3: “Man, grow some rochest-hair.”

Now that a chocolate shower has warmed you up, it’s important to have the right pair of shoes. Slush basically covers the campus — we might as well rename the library Slush Rhees. If you haven’t stepped in slush here in Rochester, then either you can fly, or you’re not in Rochester. Don’t plan on ever wearing a nice pair of shoes outside during the winter. Walking through the slush with your brand new pair of shoes that you just couldn’t wait to display is like taking your shoes off life support with no chance to heal or, in this case, heel. And slush is slippery. Very slippery. As one of my friends put it, “everyone hates slush, but I actually like sliding in it because it’s fun and it makes me feel like Michael Jackson.” However, unlike Michael Jackson, I would advise you to wear a glove on both hands. Don’t forget to also wear a hat and a scarf. Frostbite hurts a little bit more than if Jack Frost were to nip at your nose. And if you are ever looking for something cool to do on campus, just go outside.

Horgan is a member of the class of 2017

 



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