Aries (March 21-April 19) – Feeling bad about your excessive PDA? Don’t worry, it turns everyone else on.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) – The hippie party at CLC will be much more fun after you have some of their mushroom pizza.

Gemini (May 21-June 21) – Stoned? There’s a Visine for that.

Cancer (June 22-July 22) – Dating a girl with landscaping experience is great. She will certainly know how to keep a bush trimmed!

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – As a senior, it’s nice to look back over your college years and think about all the invaluable learning experiences you blew off for some cheap thrills.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – If you feel like your head is filling up with too much information, take some acid! It’s like spring cleaning for your brain!

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) – Don’t worry if you’re moving in with your parents after graduation, women weren’t that interested in you, anyway.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – Creating a gift from the heart is a great way to tell your girl you’re broke.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) – Life is a stage, and we are the actors. You’re the guy working the curtains. Don’t be seen!

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – Some say laughter is the best medicine. I wouldn’t take it for an asthma attack, though.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – You will be greatly disheartened to learn that, despite the fact that you had fun, you still lost your intramural game.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – Isn’t it ironic that what your grandmother always said would make you blind actually took one of your girlfriend’s eyes out?

(If you actually believe this, then you believe she really has a headache!)

SA solicits input on race-related trainings for faculty

SA released a survey seeking student input on potentially-mandatory race-related training curricula for faculty.


They moved in packs, resembling clouds of yellow pain. Their intent: to drive students into buildings, away from campus center, and just generally insane.

To all the overachievers out there

If you’re wasting the most amazing years of your life stressing about the future and always working, you’re ruining yourself.