Welcome back to the yet another three columns of Life, Love? Sport (Morose Edition). Now that football is over, life is not worth living. I mean, there’s a solid six months before any meaningful football is played again. The NFL draft is in April, but still, it’s just a bunch of men in suits, which is going to be wicked lame.
In the meantime, it’s time to pick a Premiership team to root for and to get everyone up to date on the college basketball season and as the high school curling standings. Due to a severe lack of sporting news in these coming months, we will be reinstating the segment “Obscure Sports Revealed,” one of the most popular features we’ve ever had. So let’s get going.
A little bit of NBA action before we get to the meat of the issue. My favorite player, Kevin Garnett has been injured for a solid eight games. Meanwhile, the Celtics have gone 6-2 in that span. What does this mean? Not much, but apparently the Celtics are good regardless of whether Garnett plays or not. Also, Shaq went to the Suns. He’s also 95 years old and weighs 400 pounds, so that trade is probably not going to be a big deal in the long run.
Plus, I do believe that the Suns aren’t really a good team as it is, so adding an old, sagging hunk of flesh probably won’t do them a load of good.
Back to the world of college basketball – it’s that time of year again. The time where little children’s words like “bubble,” “pop” and such become part of the country’s vernacular. A time when grown men spend hours and hours getting to know the 13th man who plays for Cleveland State University (if you’re wondering if the team exists, yes they do. And they play in Cleveland!), a time when the gambling population in Vegas shoots up for some reason. This year, it looks again like Kansas and UNC will come out on top. However, experienced gamblers, I mean fans, will automatically discount Kansas because they suck when it comes to crunch-time. Now I don’t want to divulge any confidential information that will be revealed in the March Madness Preview, but I can say that the LLS will probably be endorsing the UNC Tar Heels for the National Championship.
As for the sleeper team, take a look at Vanderbilt. Sure, I’ve been harping on them for the past several years, but two days ago, they put a beat-down on Kentucky that has been so hardcore that even I kind of feel bad. Vanderbilt got this new kid from Australia who’s fantastic.
Here’s the thing about getting foreign players – they almost always make the team better for some reason.
Here’s my theory. So say some kid is aching to play basketball in the States and he gets the chance.
He’s all alone, probably doesn’t know the language and the customs. So he throws himself completely into basketball. Plus, because he doesn’t really talk much, there’s no reason for him to disrupt the team in any way. So the team not only gets a kid with an incredible work ethic, but also a kid who won’t mess with the team chemistry in any way. That’s just my feeling on the matter.
Now, on to the “Obscure Sports Revealed” segment of the program. This week’s sport is polo. The game of polo originated sometime around the birth of Jesus. Apparently the people who lived in current-day Iraq and Iran needed something to do during those long, hot summer days.
So they all got on a horse, got some mallets and called it a sport. Polo has four players that play eight periods of seven minutes each.
The point of the game is to get the ball in the goal, just like every other stick and ball sport in modern history. There are four players on each team at one time, playing on a field about the size of a football field. Which seems to be really dangerous because horses are prominently involved and I’m pretty sure they need more room to roam, if you know what I mean.
As for our favorite Premiership team, the LLS officially picked Everton F.C. to hitch its bandwagon to. Over the next months, I shall be updating you on the team, the players and matches that happened to occur. So if you don’t like soccer or if you happen to be a Liverpool fan, go find something else to read, you redneck.
William Ralph Dean, who played for Everton F.C. from 1924-37, holds the record for most goals scored in a season in English League Soccer, with 60.
Maystrovsky’s column appears weekly.Maystrovsky is a member of the class of 2009.