Welcome to the second-annual Super Bowl Diary, reporting live from sunny Glendale with Giselle on my lap. Jinx! Actually, I’m in Rochester and it’s wicked cold. Moving on.

5:48 p.m.: Frank Caliendo just picked the Giants to win. I feel better already. That guy just based his pick on soup. Idiot.

5:56: Random past and present players are reciting the Declaration of Independence. An awkward moment for everyone involved. Although, it was a pretty awesome F-you to England. Also, Jim Brown looks homeless.

6:04: Joe Buck and Troy Aikman are calling the game. Not a fan of the Buckster, but Troy knows what’s up. Also, he doesn’t have that awkward Southern accent that Simms seems to be totin’ around. Did I mention how much I don’t like Phil Simms?

6:13: Alright, I’m gonna say it, Wes Welker has fantastic, striking, dreamy eyes. From hence forth, his name shall be Dreamy Eyes. Let my will be done!

6:22: Seriously, commercials should stop using the word “protection.” Trojan should just copyright it.

6:30: Pats kick off. It’s on!

6:44: Big third-down stop by the Pats. Sexy!

6:50: Sexy Pats on offense, finally.

6:56: Aikman just said that Brady has an injured ankle. In other news, I just shit my pants.

7:01: First TD of Super Bowl XLII!

7:07: Over/Under on Manning family sightings is 23. I would take the over if I were you.

7:13: INT! INT! INT! INT! Manning sucks. As does his brother. You know, the one with the busted knee.

7:17: FOX seems to have some TV technical difficulties. Also having difficulties: my pen.

7:32: Since Manning’s awful throw, the Giants have been slowly taking the ball from his hands. Smart move all around.

7:37: All the breaks are going to the Giants. This is bullshit.

7:41: Justin Timberlake is slowly taking over all media. Great commercial.

7:54: Uninspiring first half. Very lame defensive battle. Pats lead 7-3. They get the ball back first. Expect wonders.

8:04: Who the hell is Tom Petty?

8:23: The halftime show was very mediocre. Petty is too old. I want wardrobe malfunctions involving Carrie Underwood. NFL, get on that.

8:28: I don’t understand the love for Matt Light. Everytime I watch him, he’s lit up like a Christmas torch. Plus, he commits penalties like they’re going out of style.

8:33: Shaq in a jockey uniform. Classic. And disturbing.

8:38: Belichick just challenged 12 men on the field. At first I thought he was insane, but I’ve been known to be wrong.

8:43: Here’s a convo I just had with my cousin. Me: “Dude, wtf?” Him: “I don’t know man, but uber lame.” Me: “We better pull out before too long.” Him (and me): “That’s what she said.” Yes, I have sophomoric humor, deal with it.

8:49: Burgess just got rocked. Punk.

8:58: Dreamy eyes just caught another pass, he’s on pace for a Super Bowl record.

9:06: Manning family sightings: seven.

9:07: Manning family sightings: nine, but honestly, at this point, it could be around 100 and I wouldn’t be surprised.

9:16: What’s the problem with this game? Every break has gone against the Pats. Terrible. I have a bad feeling about this.

9:30: Sorry, I’ve been holding my breath for this whole time.

9:39: Randy Moss! Randy Moss!! Holy Shit!!!!!

9:42: Eli Manning will proceed to crap his pants. You heard it here first.

9:50: If the officials were any more biased, they’d be wearing Giants hats. Manning family sightings: 15.

9:52: OK, here’s a page from the “Essential Book of Coaching.” And I quote, “DO NOT PUT YOUR SMALLEST CORNER AGAINST A 6’5″ RECIEVER!” I’m so mad, I’m shaking. SHAKING. Manning family sightings: 25, at the least. Anyone who had the over in the pool, feel free to collect the shame and regret that comes with that pick.

9:54: You know what’s setting in? Deep depression. Deep, deep depression. I hate everything.

9:55: I would tell you the conversation between my cousin and me, but it’s too graphic and offensive for even the most hard-skinned reader. So, you know, use your imagination.

Maystrovsky’s column appears weekly. Maystrovsky is a member of the class of 2009.



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