Aries (March 21-April 19) – Dating a girl with contact lenses sure comes in handy when you forget a condom!

Taurus (April 20-May 20) – If Obama doesn’t step up his campaigning, the White House might be seeing four more years of Bush after all!

Gemini (May 21-June 21) – When looking back over your college years, would you rather remember not going out to study or not remember going out to party?

Cancer (June 22-July 22) – Unfortunately for you, Gleason Library is reserved only for students taking their courses Pass/Fail.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – After telling your story from the previous evening, your one-upping friend will mention how he used to seventy with the same girl.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – When she hands you your new baby brother, its best not to shake what your momma gave you.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) – Security officers have to babysit the Fraternity Quad on weekends, but once they call RPD, you know the parents are coming home.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – As you watch the news from California, you can’t help but enjoy the light pitter patter of the Rochester rain.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) – If dating a fellow classmate, have her sit in the back with you. She can always copy the notes from you later anyway!

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – While watching a female sports team practice, you’ll find it odd that some of the athletes could perform no-handed push ups?

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – The best way to add animation to your Powerpoint presentation is to go without a bra!

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – When the first flakes of snow fell, you swear you heard a collective sigh rise from the River Campus.

(If you actually believe this, then you believe he’s working late.)

Learning to say “I love you”

Grief is a fickle thing. One second, you feel fine, and the next it pierces the fibers of your soul with such precision you don’t know if you’re terrified or grateful of the feelings it elicits.

Veteran talks violence, masculinity, and capitalism in new book

Former marine Dr. Lyle Jeremy Rubin ‘20 gave a talk on violence, masculinity, and capitalism rooted in his Afghanistan War experiences.

Orange Line service increases amid student dissatisfaction

The start of the semester saw the Orange Line overwhelmed, as five morning buses couldn't match the demands of students heading to campus.