I recently read somewhere that people who happen to be Scorpios are suited to be butchers. Which is fine, because the Lord knows I love me some red meat. But it did get me thinking: if I don’t become a butcher, will the powers upstairs be displeased and curse me with a dull knife for eternity? What should I do with myself now that I have officially come this close to having to fend for myself? More to the point, I’ve started to wonder how people begin their careers.

I’m the type of person who gets bored easily – that kid in kindergarten who never finished building the block tower because something more colorful caught my eye. Now, I’m worried that perhaps this trait will condemn me to wandering from job to job, leaving projects half-finished for eternity. I know that I’m not the only one with this problem. Whenever my parents ask any of my friends what they want to do with their lives, the standard reply has always been “No clue” – which is exactly how I feel, except, you know, with a touch of panic.

They say college is the time of exploration, a time when the ramblings of your youth will become focused on a likely career path as you prepare to dash out into the world-at-large. All I’ve discovered from college is that I hate math and that there’s nothing more exciting than not having classes on a Friday.

More and more I have realized that getting a college degree in, say, economics does not instantly make me an economist. College degrees are just pieces of paper that say we finished paying the college some absurd amount of money, congratulating us on surviving four years of 8:30 a.m. midterms and wishing us luck in the labor force.

With the economy the way it is, it’s hard to say if I will be able to snag a job right away. And if I do get one, hell if I know what to do with it. Will I be one of those unfortunate souls who trudge to work every day angry at the world and come back bone-tired? I’m sure none of them signed up for that kind of misery – it just found them. I know what you’re thinking: “Dammit Dave, stop being a whiny little bitch and just find a job.”

Statistics show that many Americans will end up having more than one job by the time they retire. Maybe it’s just me, but retirement is already on my mind. Blame it on all the commercials on TV touting a “healthy, happy retirement,” but I’ve begun to think about leaving the labor force, and I’m not even in it yet. It’s the American society trap of getting caught looking ahead that I seemed to have fallen victim to. Plus all those stories about people not getting the jobs they want has seriously scarred me for life.

Whatever – if all else fails, I can at least trust my horoscope and join the esteemed profession of butchers.

Maystrovsky is a member of the class of 2009.

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