Aries (March 21-April 19) – Remember, a turbo never uses the brakes on the road to Pound Town.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) – Sometimes you wonder if anyone else sees the irony of a Cosmo article that mentions your girlfriend being titled, “His Ultimate Sex Fantasy.”

Gemini (May 21-June 21) – During rush, it’s important to remember that pledging a fraternity is like eating Sour Patch Kids. First it’s sour, but then it’s sweet.

Cancer (June 22-July 22) – Someday you will attempt to put time in a bottle, but find it to be a waste of time.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – You can’t help but think it’s time for a new era of music when a new hit song is about a lip moisturizing product.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – If you’re quick on your feet, you should avoid doing it standing up.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) – Haven’t seen your feet in a while? Welcome to UR dining!

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – You know it’s a bad sign when the Career Center advises you to get recommendations from people who don’t know you.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) – Wear your hat backwards; it will stop people from sneaking up on you.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – Before going to have sex outside, it’s important that both parties be able to identify poison ivy.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – Feel free to answer all questions in class; it lets everyone else know who to sit near come test day.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – The parking service of UR certainly seems a bit less smug with their recent loss of booting privileges.

(If you actually believe this, then you believe that happens to all guys sometimes.)



Tunneling club reaches new tunnels

Tunnels come in many shapes and sizes, primarily tunnel-like and fuckery-like.

Comic: UR sus

Failure to complete tasks results in expulsion from this school.

Hard work can’t beat talent… or can it?

Talent is not what most people think it is. The good news is that most of the people we think are talented are actually just really well-disciplined, and we can learn to do the same.