Greetings and salutations! It’s another edition of Life, Love… Sport (I can’t believe it’s over Edition). This is the last column of the semester. It’s a sad event, but please, try not to cry. To finish off the week, the LLS brings you baseball, basketball, football and curling! I was kidding about one of the aforementioned items – guess which one. With the ejection of Tim Duncan and the injuries of all my favorite Yankees players, this week sure has had a lot of excitement.
Breaking news from the world of leather balls: Tim Duncan got tossed from a game for laughing at an official. This may shock people because, as we all know, Duncan sold his soul to the devil for his championship rings and is not allowed to show any emotion ever. This clearly violates the terms of the agreement. Apparently the official seems to have a “personal vendetta” toward silent Timmy, and, from what I’ve seen, he may be right. The official got suspended indefinitely and Duncan got fined $25 grand for his comments. Officials in the sport of basketball are notoriously skewed toward star players – witness Dwayne Wade’s magic ride against the Mavs in the Finals. Kicking off one official isn’t going to correct the problem. Maybe it’s time to update the training manual for these refs to allow for smoother play in the playoffs. After all, if the NBA wants to keep marketing the playoffs as the biggest thing since Wonderbread, then it must make the product watchable. Until then, I will continue to tune in only when LeBron plays. He is the king.
I was going to devote a whole column to the NFL draft, breaking down every round, down to the last pick. However, the draft is a week away and this is the last column, so I will squeeze all my thoughts into one paragraph.
First and most importantly, if the Lions dare to take another wide receiver in the first round, I will officially stop watching pro games (except the Arena Football league – that shit is exciting!). Second, and just as important, people need to get off Brady Quinn’s back. Just because he’s not 6’6″, 260 pounds and doesn’t throw the ball 90 yards doesn’t mean he won’t be a good quarterback. People said Tom Brady couldn’t throw the ball further than 40 yards. Unfortunately for the critics, Tom Brady is now hidden under the blinding glare of his three Super Bowl rings. Lastly, beware of the receivers in the first round. Remember Braylon Edwards? He too was a can’t-miss prospect. Then he suffered a knee injury in a freak accident on the field. Receivers are more susceptible to wild injuries because they put themselves in harm’s way all too often. So, before you give Calvin Johnson a plaque at Canton.
It seems to me that an awful lot of Yankees are getting hurt in the beginning of the season. Call me selfish, but I’m just waiting for Steinbrenner’s head to explode. Can’t say that I am too surprised. Mike Mussina was due for his catastrophic injury 10 years ago, Chien-Ming Wang looked like his arm might go with the ball at some point and Carl Pavano decided that playing baseball didn’t really suit his lifestyle sometime after he signed that massive contract. So now the Yankees have to live with the fact that they overpaid for a bunch of old, injured players who may never be as good as they once were. Say what you want about the amount of money that the Red Sox threw at Daisuke Matsuzaka, at least he’s young and won’t break down anytime soon, which is more than Cashman can say about 30 of his players.
This is the last list of the year. I’ll try to make it exciting. The list this week will focus on stories that we here at the LLS would like to see come to fruition during the summer. These are in no particular order.
1. Federal agents seize Ricky Williams’s pot farm in Guatemala. Let’s assume that Williams smokes an average of five times a day. That would call for a pretty big farm to supply his needs. You just know that he has his own operation somewhere.
2. Derek Jeter, Peyton Manning and A-Rod seen beating the crap out of puppies at animal shelter. This would complete me.
3. Chad Johnson spurns millions, starts dancing studio. He already dances on the field, might as well make a career out of it and make some money.
Final Fact
In the United States, federal law states that children’s TV shows may contain only 10 minutes of advertising per hour and on weekends the limit is 10 and a half minutes.
Maystrovsky’s article appears weekly. Maystrovsky is a member of the class of 2009.
