Aries (March 21-April 19) – Some say it’s what you do, not what you say, that defines who you are. Really though, it’s the logo on your shirt.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) – After your most recent diet fails, you will realize that working the reception desk does not count as “going to the gym.”

Gemini (May 21-June 21) – When searching for a mate on the Frat Quad, remember the old saying, if at first you don’t succeed, look for a lonelier girl!

Cancer (June 22-July 22) – Procrastination is a lot like masturbation; girls do it too but never admit to it.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) – You will say many profound things throughout your life. Unfortunately, due to clerical errors, they will all be cited as, “Author Unknown.”

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) – You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, unless that is where the price is written.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) – You will be greatly disheartened to learn that, despite the fact that you had fun, you still lost your intramural game.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – When looking for a dog-sitter, you will like how affectionate the first candidate is. However, you will still have to turn him down when you find his stockpile of peanut butter.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) – After a philosophical discussion about chickens and eggs, your professor will ask which came first. Your girlfriend will frown and point to you.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) – To avoid getting herpes, you will have to rely heavily on quick reflexes when the campus tramp blows you a kiss.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) – After taking someone’s clothes out of the dorm dryer, you will be forced to debate whether to hold them or fold them.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – Who is the bigger fool, the fool or he who follows the fool? It’s whichever one you are.

CPE holds voter registration drives to boost turnout

With midterm elections rapidly approaching, students in the Center for Political Engagement are working to increase student engagement with the voting process.

Posters and Pints unites beer and science

Hundreds of postdocs, graduate students, and faculty gathered Tuesday for Posters and Pints, an evening of science communication and beer tasting.

Adulting 101: The illusions of age and maturity

Why do we continue to linearize the path to maturity with respect to time and age? It’s high time that we redefine the social concept of maturity.