Here we are back from spring break. Back to good old ?Rochacha.? No more sleeping in, it is time to face the reality of classes and cold weather once again. To make this task easier, I have gathered a few inspired tips to help you wake up and welcome the day.

The first is probably the easiest. Before bed, drink three large glasses of water or a few pints of vodka, whatever works for you.

When you wake up in the morning, the call of nature will be so loud, you will have no choice but to jump out of your bed and run down the hall. If you do not you will suffer the consequences, and they are not pleasant. Trust me ? this approach works.

The second tip is a little more complicated, but just as effective, if not more so. The night before you have to get up early, head out to the pub. Have several pints. Put your beer goggles on, and throw your standards out. Hook up with the person you find the most unattractive. I mean, if it has to be Moe the bartender, so be it.

Count yourself lucky if you get hit on by a guy or girl with only one eye in the middle of their forehead. Those are the nightmares you want to take home.

When you wake up in the morning face to face with that mug, you are going to be running out of that room very quickly, screaming ?God help me!? so loud that you will wake everyone else up too.

In essence, it is really quite economical because it wakes up several people at once. Work it out with your hallmates, maybe you can get some kind of ugly-hook-up rotating schedule working.

The last and probably the most pleasurable tip, would be breakfast. A large, cholesterol-packed English breakfast. This will get you out of bed with a smile and an immediate hardening of the old arteries.

What you need is the standard two eggs, prepared any way you like, but scrambled is preferred. Then fry up two links of sausage and two strips of bacon. Heat up a can of vegetarian baked beans in a tomato sauce. Then saut some fresh mushrooms along with large wedges of fresh tomatoes. Ideally you would like crumpets, but English muffins will fit our purpose.

Finally, brew yourself up some ?English Breakfast? tea. Drop a cube of sugar and some milk in with it.

The order in which you eat all these items does not matter, but as close as you can get to eating them all at once is good. This is a great way to greet the day.

Of course if you are one of those deep sleepers, you can combine any of the methods.

Consider yourself even more lucky if you find someone who was beaten with the ugly stick, can cook an English breakfast and carries around a bottle of vodka. If you can?t get up then, you might as well give up and buy yourself an alarm clock.

Bon appetit.



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